Dating can be fun and exciting. It can also be confusing and downright hard. On one hand, you have the perils of online dating. On the other hand, you have the difficulties of in-person dating during a global pandemic.

You're constantly navigating a path between what you need and what you want. Whether you get either of those things can depend on who is even available.

Online, the odds are stacked against you. 30% of Americans have used online dating, but only 12% ended up in a committed relationship.

Even when you think you've found someone, you then have to ask yourself the big question. Have I picked the right one?

In this article, we're going to look at why it sometimes goes wrong (when you thought it was so right), and three questions you can ask to see if you've chosen the right partner.

Keep Your Relationship Needs in Alignment

One problem women can have is not staying aligned with what we want. Say we decide we want a 'settle down, build a life together' kind of relationship.

Then we meet a guy who seems to tick all the boxes. It's very exciting. But he says he wants something casual. We think "I'll show him how awesome I am and then he'll change his mind about a relationship".

Then we invest our time and energy into auditioning for the role of girlfriend. Trouble is, he isn't looking to cast anyone. He doesn't invest his time and energy...because he never said he would. We get upset and frustrated when he moves on.

Why? He said he wanted something casual! It's hard to hear, but if he says he doesn't want anything serious...believe him. After all, we want our needs and desires to be honoured. Why wouldn't you extend that same courtesy to him?

Now, if he says he's looking for a relationship, gets you into bed, and then disappears...well, that's on him. 

A third thing you might hear is "let's see how it goes". This sounds like a person who is hedging their bets. Perhaps they're dating several people. Or they might not be emotionally ready to handle a relationship. It is possible they'll change their mind once they feel they won't be hurt. But they may also never commit because they're keeping their options open.

So with all this being said, what can you do about any of it? Work out what it is that you want. Use that as a filter to cut down potential partners to those who are ready and willing to build a life with someone.

Then you have to decide when you're not just dating, and you're in a relationship.

Timing is Everything

Timing can tell you a lot about your potential partner. If a new person wants to monopolise your time and whisk you off your feet within days? That could indicate they're love bombing you.

Yet if it's difficult to pin them down and make concrete plans, it could indicate benching.

Obviously, this will completely depend on context. If you meet a guy online who works away a lot, he can't drop everything just to see you!

Likewise, if you sink everything into a new person too quickly? You risk falling for your idea of them, not the reality. This can explain why some people seem to date the same person over and over. They don't take the time to get to know the real person.

People will always put on a 'front' when they're dating. It's not always for manipulative reasons. We just want to be liked and accepted. There is nothing wrong with that - it's how humans work. Yet it can take months before people feel comfortable enough to let their guard down. If you keep falling for the front, you might not like who they are behind it.

At this point, we would recommend you sprinkle some behavioural profiling into your dates. Once you can peer behind that front, you can decide if you like what you see underneath. Think of Dorothy peering behind the curtain and finding the Wizard of Oz is actually a short man with a microphone. If you'd like to do this, try our 7 Days to See the Truth Bootcamp to learn the basics of behavioural profiling. All for $35.

Or we can dig a little deeper. Asking questions is one way to find out if the partner you've chosen is the right one for you.

3 Big Questions to Ask of Your New Partner

I don't mean you need to literally ask them. Although if you're feeling bold, you could ask them and have an open and frank conversation about things. Communication is the bedrock of any relationship and if you can't discuss your feelings, that's not a great sign.

But these are the questions you can ask yourself about the relationship to see if you're on the right track.

1. Do We Both Prioritise the Relationship?

Men might invest more financially in a relationship. Yet women can often invest more emotionally in a relationship than a man. This can lead to an imbalance if we always rearrange plans to suit him, but he doesn't have to do much to keep the relationship going.

If you've picked the right one, then you'll both prioritise the relationship. You may have regular chats about how you feel it's going. Or you may both spend a lot of time getting to know each other's likes and dislikes.

One way to boost this area is to find out your Love Language. Put simply, there are five. While we might appreciate gestures made using all of them, it's likely one of them means more to you. When your partner does things that align with that language, you feel loved and appreciated.

Find out your Love Languages and make sure you both do things for each other in their language, not yours. For example, say his language is Physical Touch. You might give him a neck massage while you watch TV together. If yours is Words of Affirmation, he might text you things he likes about you throughout the day.

2. Can I Relax and Completely Be Myself With This Person?

If you're going to build a life together, it's important that you feel you can trust and relax with this person. Ask yourself how often you hold something back or put your needs second so you don't rock the boat.

Whenever you feel like you're not doing something or receiving something so you don't upset them, you're not being yourself. Now, no one wants to be mean. So you might not tell them you hate their favourite song because you know it means a lot to them. That's just showing courtesy.

But if your partner makes fun of your interests, or you don't feel you can open up about them? They're probably not the right guy for you. Your partner should love you because of all your quirks, not despite them.

3. Do I Feel Excited About The Future?

This is a difficult question for people who have had a bad track record with love. We don't like to get too excited in case we're disappointed again. We'd rather be cautious but quietly hopeful than outright excited. That way, it's less crushing when it doesn't work out.

But the right person should make you feel excited. You should be able to think of all the things you'll do, places you'll go, and experiences you'll have - together. I don't mean you should be picking out wedding dresses after your third date. But you should be able to picture a future with them in it.