APRIL 10, 2024
I challenge you to do this... let's pretend it's a rule 💁♀️
Recently, I was a guest on a podcast (listen here 👀) where we discussed personal “rules” and how they can make us miserable.
I got a few questions about this, so let’s dig in…👇
We all have them.
Personal rules are “shoulds” that strongly influence your behavior and feelings – often without you even being aware of them, let alone questioning them.
Here’s one common set of rules: When you’re 30, you “should”
(I think most of us know how to fill this in)
– be married, have a house, have life figured out, have kids… etc.
These are almost like laws of nature that we’ve internalized – except they’re made up.
You only have to explore one different culture to know that all the things you “should” be doing can change.
And not all rules are as big as needing to have a house by 30.
Some just sound like: “I should work hard”, “I should be kind to other people”, “I must not show that I am afraid” etc.
Now before we go any further – not all rules are bad.
Your rules help simplify the world and guide your behavior.
They can help you achieve things and challenge you to reach higher.
They might help you feel safe, because they give you a feeling of being on the “right” path.
But when you are rigid about your rules, they decrease your well-being and effectiveness.
You start using them as ways to judge yourself and others harshly.
When you don’t have flexibility, breaking a rule – even if for good reason – can generate negative feelings, like shame, stress, fear, or guilt.
The truth is: you simply cannot stick to all of your rules 100% of the time – no matter how ambitious you are, you’re still a human being.
“Got it, but I don't really think I have that many rules, Charlotte."
Well, you'd be surprised.
In fact, the biggest problem is that most of us are not even aware of the rules we live by – simply because we've never asked.
I challenge you, this week, to write your personal rulebook.
Use a notebook, phone, or the table below to write down as many personal rules as possible and build your awareness.
Don’t know what you’re looking for? The good thing is that rules leave clues.
Listen for thoughts that sound like this:
Trust me, you'll be surprised at all that comes out once you pay attention (my clients always are).
Becoming aware of all your unwritten rules is the first step to developing the kind of intention and flexibility that allows for a loving, self-compassionate stance from which to build your dream life.
Because it's one thing to should yourself when it comes to your day-to-day tasks.
It's a whole different story to ask:
What parts of my life are the way they are because they should be that way (vs. because I want them to be that way)?
Collect your rules.
Ask how it feels to live by them.
And if it doesn’t feel great, start questioning them.
Rooting for you,
Charlotte
P.S. Whenever you’re ready, here's how I can support you:
1. Book a 1:1 Power Hour with me – a one-time intensive coaching call where we'll develop a clear path forward and address the mindset shifts necessary for your success. Learn more about what we can work on and book your slot here.
2. Join me for 1:1 business coaching. Working with me isn't just about scaling your business or brand, it's about scaling you. I’ve helped countless clients navigate their path with clarity, ease and confidence. Don't settle for the hustle-norm, and redefine success with balance at its heart. Apply here.
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Hi, I'm Charlotte. I help ambitious women start and grow online businesses that aren't just successful, but also provide joy and freedom.
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