From people-pleasing, frightened and exhausted to self-expression, creativity and blossoming sexuality
Are you working hard on yourself through your own personal development work or talk therapy, but you still don’t see the changes you want in yourself and your behaviour? Why?
Because to make life long shifts you ALSO need to engage with the unconscious patterns held in your body.
Core Energetics is a process that helps restore you restore the natural flow within your body and connection to the Core of who you are, so you can experience more pleasure and fulfilment in your life.
At CoreExplore online, we focus on you. What you hope for and what your unique gifts are, and then guide you step by step at your pace to resolve the unconscious patterns holding you back.
Lenore’s journey below is just one example of how the Core Energetics process and our CoreExplore principles of change, work in practice; and how they can help you make lifelong changes that can completely change your life.
Although Lenore was effective at work and could present to the outside like she was ‘fine’, she came into therapy because she felt like she was imploding.
'My emotional health was affecting my physical health and energy levels’.
She had been diagnosed with PTSD and depression by a psychologist and had some treatment, but ‘didn’t really feel better’ even though she felt she ‘should’. This would get her caught up in a vicious cycle, feeling like a failure and second guessing herself.
‘I felt anxious and was ruminating constantly, it’s actually painful to think about how unhappy I was. I was extremely self-critical and frightened, I felt like I needed to be on high alert because conflict and betrayal was just around the corner. I was a hard-core people pleaser too, this often made me feel really empty and very lonely. I felt exhausted and wired at the same time.'
Lenore sought help because her physical symptoms were becoming impossible to ignore.
‘A few months before I connected with Dana, I remember thinking I really need to get help, I don't know how much longer I can keep carrying on like this. I felt like my body might give out on me or something’.
Lenore was introduced to Core Energetics through a friend and began her journey by participating in our group CoreExplore Classes. After that, she moved into 1:1 work with Dana.
‘I really liked that these classes weren't about 'doing' something perfect, but more so about slowing down and grounding. I felt like I was able to connect with my energy and body. As a facilitator, I found Dana very present and grounded without being smothering – I found her energy to be kind, patient and caring.’
With all our clients, we are constantly working with our 6 key principles of change.
One of the first aspects of our work together was to support Lenore to know that her struggles were real, and she was not broken. Lenore had experienced so many people professionally and personally minimise or misunderstand her experience because she was functional and capable in life:
‘It was healing in itself to be heard and for my experience to be accepted - not minimised because I seem OK on the outside.’
For Lenore, ‘one of the most potent and important changes that I had quite early in the process was the validation I felt’.
As part of the process from the very first session, we used gentle body techniques to help Lenore anchor in her own experience to give her a sense of what was real for her, irrespective of the perspective of the other person.
‘I found I felt more settled after the first session, like I was able to release some pent up emotions, I slept better and felt less 'hyper'.
During our first months of individual session, our focus was on growing Lenore’s awareness of some of what was happening in her body, emotions and experience.
Lenore experienced PTSD flashbacks, could identify with symptoms of anxiety and depression and was ‘really self-critical and frustrated with myself’ on a conscious level.
During our sessions, we slowly opened the pathways of the body that were blocked, and Lenore realised that she ‘was very angry!’ All of the anger that Lenore had not expressed in the past and in the present was welling up inside of her body and getting stuck (particularly around her hips, butt and pelvis) and was turning inward in the form of self-criticism and perfectionism.
Lenore is a kind-hearted and caring person at her core, but the people pleasing was pissing her off (even though it took some time for this to come to consciousness through bodywork).
Instead of setting relational boundaries, Lenore would stay in her own company and not connect with others. Feeling into anger was a slow and steady process, particularly with her history with violence.
Since she ‘experienced violence I've had a really low tolerance of aggression in others - particularly from men.’
Lenore was extra sensitive to raised voices or frustration of others and any sudden gestures gave her a fright. Part of her process in getting touch with the anger present for her, was also about becoming conscious of how frightened she was.
Over time, with breathing, movement, sound, and vibration, we were able to slowly expand her capacity to feel and express anger, fear, sadness and joy – ‘I don't have PTSD flashbacks anymore. Generally I feel more myself, more capable, less 'wired' and more connected to pleasure, my body and my life.’’
As we gradually released some of the previous trauma responses related to past violence and could connect to other experiences that shaped Lenore’s reactions, ‘I was able to express my righteous, healthy anger in sessions and realised that it made me feel safer and less anxious. Becoming conscious and welcoming and expressing anger safely/appropriately has been transformational for me.’
As Lenore capacity to feel while staying present grew, we were able to bring more expressive work into her process – really letting her body experience the full strength of her no. This translated into Lenore being able to ‘say no, to be more assertive and create and enforce boundaries’. It also translated into freeing up lots of energy around her pelvis that was blocked up with unexpressed anger.
One of the added benefits of having more flow through her body and pelvis meant 'My sex life has dramatically changed, I'm more so connected to my body and the quality/frequency of my orgasm has really improved!’
Only when the ‘no’ was able to run through Lenore’s body in a free-flowing way did Lenore become ‘aware of how much I held myself back from the world and got in touch with the deep desire for connection’.
Lenore became aware that there was an unconscious negative intention to stay separate from others, as well as how much she longed for genuine connection.
When Lenore was able to see that sometimes negativity was functioning while still holding herself in positive regard overall, she was able for the first time ‘to embrace all parts of self (not just the love and light parts). That has really helped me.’
Saying ‘no’ then became not about pushing people away, but about how to allow them to come closer to the real Lenore.
Lenore is now able to stay really present for herself in her life and has moved toward really honouring her genuine internal needs and desires.
‘Just being present in my body and connected to it is an enormous gain, feeling like I'm welcome and wanted in my body and on the earth is an enormous gain. I feel present in my life and world. Having the courage to pursue things I want to do that ignite my curiosity rather than rigidly doing what I think I 'should' do, being curious to try different things and connect with new people.’
And Lenore is living more and more from a place of self-responsibility and genuine self-expression.
‘The blossoming of my sexuality, self-expression and creativity brings me a lot of happiness and I'm grateful for it. I’m learning to take more responsibility for myself, my wellbeing, and my health.’
Lenore is now opening herself more to the life she wants for herself.
“To have a healthy, fun and pleasurable relationship with a man. To meet new people and continue to open up my world. To feel more connected to spirit/god/the universe, to explore my own spirituality To spend more time exploring the world.”
Thank you so much to Lenore for sharing your experience so generously and courageously.