The truth about becoming someone.

The most painful way to live your life:

Being no one.

Most people go through life never looking for who they truly are.

• Their lives are a constant repetition of the same day
• They do what society expects them to do
• They say yes to everything and everyone
• They have no real opinion of their own

A human without boundaries, a being without a real sense of self.

You might exist on a physical level but you don’t exist on an individual level.

I get it, it’s within our nature to want to fit in and to belong.

Some of us got bullied, painfully rejected and harshly criticised for being different.

Now you found a way to fit into the masses and comfort yourself with the idea that since you are doing what everyone else is doing, you must be on the right path.

You’ve taken on responsibilities, started a career, and built relationships that embed you deeply with the fabric of the reality that you are living.

Forcing you to keep playing the character of the narrative the world has created for you.

Sometimes you get this feeling of wanting to run away and start all over again on the other side of the planet.

• Where no one knows you.
• Where there aren’t any expectations.
• Where you are allowed to be yourself.

What if I told you that you don’t need to run to the end of the world to find yourself?

From running to searching.

Being no one is painful because you came on this planet to be someone.

You are here to be you.

Not the perfect little boy or girl your parents wanted you to be.

Not the agreeable yes-person your boss delegates half of his responsibilities to.

Not the best friend who always makes time for everyone but can’t count on anyone.

You are here to be you, for you.

Now, this is not a letter where I will teach you how to set strong boundaries.

I created an entire online course where I teach you how to do exactly that. The cohort starts end of October but in the meantime, you can subscribe to the waitlist to secure your spot here as soon as enrolment to the course opens.

In today’s letter, I want to present you with five important truths that will encourage you to value your time, your energy and yourself more so you can create a life around who you truly are.

1. Everyone has a dark side – stop being so naïve.

For most of us, emotions like anger, resentment, fear, shame, disappointment, jealousy, and sadness have been invalidated during our childhood.

As a result, we learned to repress, deny or push these emotions away and stayed in this habit of not acknowledging, feeling and expressing ourselves when we feel this way.

If you don’t create space for these emotions consciously, they will arise and leak into your day-to-day life in unconscious ways.

• You are controlling
• You are passive-aggressive
• Your mood changes rapidly
• You lie without even being aware of it
• You try to do everything perfectly all the time

Your inability to accept that you are not only good prevents you from healing the parts inside of you that need the love, attention and compassion you didn’t receive in the past.

It also blinds you from seeing and understanding the world and people for who they truly are.

We easily put everyone around us on a pedestal and create excuses when their actions or behaviour doesn’t align with the position they hold in our minds.

You think you aren’t enough because you elevated everyone but yourself.

If you find the courage to look at people’s actions and truly listen to what they say, you will come to find out that they don’t have a reason to be on this pedestal in the first place.

2. Most people don’t want to change. Focus on yourself instead.

How many times have you spent time listening to people’s problems, supporting them and giving them advice, only for them to do the exact opposite?

Change is difficult and therefore very rare. It takes a certain level of awareness and honesty to want better for yourself and actually do better through consistent actions.

You are way better off using all that time, attention and energy to pour into the only thing you can control – yourself.

3. People don’t usually mean what they say. Don’t take things too personally.

The lack of awareness in people’s daily actions is a clear indication that most of us have very little intent behind what we do or say.

• We don’t question the veracity behind our words
• We don’t question the motivation behind our actions
• We don’t question our capacity to honour our promises

This leads to people saying things they don’t mean and making random decisions based on temporal emotions they won’t take responsibility for afterwards.

So many of us seem to have solid opinions on things we never directly experienced in the first place. So why should any of these opinions matter to you if they most likely aren’t even true?

4. If you don’t learn to love and respect yourself, people won’t love and respect you either.

Your external world is a simple reflection of what happens inside of you. You are the one responsible of teaching your environment how to love, treat and respect you.

This is where getting to know yourself, your needs and your boundaries and developing the skills to clearly communicate them becomes crucial to building good and healthy relationships with yourself first and then the world around you.

5. Life is as good or bad as you are. If you want a better life, become a better human.

I’ve come to realise that life is about skills.

And skills can be learned and developed at any time and any point in life.

The people who inspire you hold that particular position because they master a collection of skills at a very high level.

They found something they were interested in and pursued their curiosity until the world couldn’t help but recognise their uniqueness.

If your life is not what you want it to be physically, emotionally, financially or spiritually, is because you lack the knowledge and skills to get you there.

The reason why I am sharing these realisations with you is because I know that you are flirting with the idea of finding yourself.

Although it is the most beautiful journey you could ever take, it’s also the most difficult one.

You will get distracted; you will get judged and let down because of how much this journey will change everything about you.

You are leaving the path of the masses, to wander into the unknown and search for the most important person in your life.

It takes a truly dedicated person to find your own path and to consciously choose who you want to be.

But if you are willing to look at your life, people and yourself through the lens of reality, I can guarantee you that you will find yourself.

I will see you in next week’s letter,

Until then, take care.

Oli.