R-E-S-P-E-C-T
January 31, 2022 |Â Â BY KIM DAMON
Honestly, I could never belt this amazing song out like Aretha Franklin. Lucky for you that I didn't attach a video that would forever ruin this song for you. Â
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Seriously, I enjoy doing deep dives into words. I like to research them and see how I can think differently about a word that brings me negative feelings. Especially R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Â
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I hear this word from many moms. My kids don't respect me. My husband doesn't respect me. My stepkids don't respect me and my daughter-in-law and son-in-law have no respect for me. It may even be true. Â
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I've used this word myself in the past. When I encounter a person, especially a loved one that I didn't feel respected me, it was painful and hurtful. When I feel pain or hurt, I avoid others. I look for evidence in their actions that I'm right. I look into the past, I look into the present in every situation where they have been disrespectful. My results? Well, my result is that I don't respect them.
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In fact, I recall telling my kids when they were teenagers that they didn't need to respect others that didn't respect them. See the dilemma?
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Merriam-Webster definition of R-E-S-P-E-C-T
In a search to better manage my brain about this word that brings me terrible feelings and results in my life, I looked it up. Â
A feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc.
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WOW, something hit me like a ton of bricks when I read this. How can anyone respect me, if I don't first learn to
respect myself? How many of you feel good? Do you feel valuable, really? And do you feel important? Â
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I didn't. We spend years putting ourselves last in life. We meet the needs of our loved ones, our work, our friends. We need to admire ourselves! We need to know how valuable and important we are and only then can we truly ask for respect from others. Â
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It isn't easy to admire ourselves. We have been taught by society that admiring ourselves is boastful and arrogant. What if that isn't true? When I really think about admiration, I know that I'm a child of God and I'm perfectly made. How can I not admire God's work?  I know that I'm human and will make mistakes, big ones, but I'm still good and valuable.Â
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I have respect for myself. Having respect for me doesn't feel painful and hurtful. It makes me feel confident. When I feel confident around my children, I engage with them. I show up for myself and I show up for them. Now my results for our relationship are much brighter and more optimistic.  Just by changing how I think about one word.
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