Connection Matters: Five Tips To Feel More Connected

We are hardwired for connection

“We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”

Brene Brown is a researcher and storyteller who has made it her life’s work to study courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. Her research and work have helped to highlight the importance of connection as integral to our wellbeing. 

Why is connection so important? 

We evolved as part of a tribe. In order to survive we have a need to stay connected to our tribe. We all have a deep rooted need to belong and fear rejection, which is why public speaking is frequently cited in surveys of people’s greatest fears: it puts us at risk of ridicule or rejection from our ‘tribe’.

We are facing an epidemic of loneliness

According to the charity MIND, “One in four adults feel lonely some or all of the time” and “the longer we feel lonely, the more we are at risk of mental health problems.” Mind identifies loneliness as being detrimental to mental health and selected loneliness as its focus for this year’s Mental Health Week.

One reason for this loneliness ‘epidemic’ is that we are still living with the impact of Covid. While we may be told that life is returning to ‘normal’ we still have much to process from our experiences of lockdown and loss that the pandemic brought. Many aspects of life haven’t returned to ‘normal’: whether that’s the loss of loved ones, the impact on relationships or the impact on our community or social circles that haven’t quite bounced back. 

Many of us are now working from home, which may have its benefits in terms of greater flexibility and less time commuting but may also result in less connection as we miss those ‘water cooler’ moments or the opportunities to socialise with colleagues. 

And of course, pre-dating the pandemic, we know we are spending more time than ever on screens, as well as increased automation in our daily interactions, from online shopping to self-serve checkouts. All great for improved efficiency; not so great in terms of connection and belonging.

From these definitions, three key aspects seem to emerge: 

1)    Strength- accepting the inevitable curve balls life throws and persevering through difficulty 

2)    Flexibility- willingness to adapt and change when we are met with challenges

3)    Hope- a sense of perspective that “this too shall pass” and there will be better times ahead.

While some people appear to have more natural resilience and seem to have the ability to just ‘bounce back’ from challenging situations, resilience is a muscle that we can all build.

What can we do? Five Tips for Building Connection

1. Identify who we are spending time with personally

We can be surrounded by people and still feel disconnected. Which of your personal relationships are most valuable to you? Do you prioritise these relationships as you should? 

Action: Write down the names of the people who are the most important and make sure you schedule them in!

2. Identify who we are spending time with professionally​​​​​​​

We spend approximately one third of our life at work or the equivalent of 90 000 hours over the course of a lifetime. If we feel disconnected at work, this can be hugely detrimental to our well-being. We don’t have to love all of our colleagues all of the time but these relationships are important. 

Action: Reflect- Are you in the right environment or is it time to make change?

3. Build a support network

We can’t go it alone but so many of us struggle to ask for help. This isn’t a one way street: when we ask for help it gives others permission to do the same. Whether this is help at work, with childcare or at home: where do you need help?

Action: Write down the roles and responsibilities you have. Where do you need to ask for support?

4. Invest in Personal Development

Our first and most important connection is to ourselves. When we work on ourselves we get clear on our thoughts, emotions and beliefs and this clarity gives us choices about how we think, feel and respond.

Action: Reflect- what are you doing currently to support your personal development. This might be through learning and development, by practicing mindfulness or journaling to more easily recognise your thoughts and feelings.

5. Make time for in person connection

Listen, I love my zoom life but we cannot underestimate the importance of in person connection with other people who get it.

To return to Brene Brown: 

“Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued.” 

Action: Reflect: where are you hanging out and who are you hanging out with. Where are the people who help you to feel seen, heard and valued? 

BIO: About Us

Rebecca Daniel and Sarah Bramall are the co-founders of 'The Coaching Catalysts’. They are both highly qualified and experienced ex-teachers, transformation coaches, neuro-linguistic programming and DISC personality profiling practitioners.

Through their private membership community and 1:1 coaching, Rebecca and Sarah support female professionals and entrepreneurs to thrive in all areas of their lives.