The Truth About Sleep Training
Sleep training is often a controversial subject amongst parents. It’s often thought of as a negative thing and there is a lot of misinformation out there on the internet. Whether you love the idea of sleep training, your curious about it or you're uncertain, it’s always good to know the truth about what it entails so you can decide whether it is for you.
Ten or twenty years ago, ‘sleep training ‘ was known as ‘leaving your baby to cry’ but now we know so much more about child development and the way children learn that 'sleep training' now has a much broader meaning. However, despite this, the term still seems to have a bad reputation – one that makes all sleep consultants very frustrated!
Personally, I don’t really like the term ‘sleep training’ as I like to look at it as more of a coaching process that I tweak and adapt along the way to ensure my clients and their little ones are much happier, healthier and well-rested. I know from personal experience that severe sleep deprivation can have a huge impact on our well-being and mental health and it can lead to devastating effects. Parents do not need to feel guilty for wanting to improve sleep and it CAN be a positive experience.
What is sleep training?
Put simply, ‘sleep training’ means to train your baby to sleep by helping them learn to fall asleep independently, which also enables them to settle back to sleep independently during the night too.
For many of my clients, there is an obvious reason why their baby is not sleeping well, such as incorrect wake windows, a sleep association or sleep not distributed appropriately, and actually these can all be worked on fairly easily. Of course, we may need to use some sleep training methods at some point but it’s often not about leaving a baby to cry.
If it was as easy as just leaving your baby to cry then anyone could do it and sleep consultants simply wouldn’t exist!
I would simply not have the reputation that I have!
Nowadays a wide variety of techniques come under the ‘sleep training’ umbrella. There are so many things we can try and it’s about finding what works for you and your child.
Sleep Training Research: The Facts
As I said previously, people often think of sleep training as ‘crying it out’. This method is also known as ‘extinction’ and basically means putting your baby in their cot, leaving the room and not going back until morning. In my experience, parents only resort to this when they don’t know what else to do – but there are much gentler methods that are extremely successful if used correctly. The problem with this method is that it doesn’t take anything else into consideration – is baby over or under tired? Is baby teething or in pain? Are they hungry? There have been no studies that actually prove ‘cry it out’ is damaging for children IF they come from a loving home where all their needs are met.
You may have seen articles or posts on social media that suggest any method that involves crying is ‘harsh’ and ‘damaging’ to the child and these often end up deterring parents from sleep training at all. However, these ideas come from past studies that have observed extreme forms of crying, separation and neglect. The main study being a relatively small one that was conducted during the 1980’s in a Romanian orphanage where the children didn’t have a main, loving caregiver and were in their cots for the vast majority of the day. I do not feel this is comparable with how loving, caring parents look after their children. To find out more about this read my blog post: Secure Attachment and Sleep Training.
Later, in 1985, the Ferber Method was born. This is essentially leaving your baby to cry for a short amount of time then going back to reassure and check on them. The time is usually extended each time the child is left. It has a lot of success and many sleep training methods are now based on this. However, sleep training is not just about your baby crying and reassuring at intervals. The modern way of looking at sleep training is often about forming a hybrid method that works for your child’s personality and will gradually help you make changes to your child’s sleep. Yes, there may be some crying when changes are made, but there are also methods where you can stay in the room with your child until they fall asleep.
The idea that sleep training is something nasty and harsh often puts sleep deprived and exhausted parents off seeking support when they really need it. A good sleep consultant will listen to your wishes and will provide options that are best suited to your family and your child.
How long does sleep training take?
Most babies respond to sleep training techniques within two weeks if there is a clear plan and a consistent approach. I find that often some of my clients are confident in implementing a plan without further support and some like to receive daily support – if you are thinking about hiring a sleep consultant, I urge you to really think about how much contact and support you’d truly like before deciding on a package. Ultimately, I often see better results when I can support a family with 2 week follow-up support, than if they go it alone. Often we do need someone to answer our questions or we need to adapt the plan based on the child’s responses because they all respond differently!
When working with my clients, I always do my upmost to ensure they get to their sleep goals. Of course, there are always blips and children will become unwell or start teething – in these circumstances it’s likely your baby will still stay awake and shout for you and no amount of sleep training techniques will help, but these are things we can work through together and I can give advice on how to handle times like these when they arise in the future.
Sleep training your little one will help them (and you) to sleep better, but it doesn’t mean they won’t ever call for you or need a cuddle during the night – only last night my 15 month old woke with teething pain and needed a cuddle. It's normal and natural for this to happen. The difference is, after sleep training, your child will only call for you if they actually need you, rather than them just being used to you coming in to help them back to sleep.
Does sleep training actually work long term?
There have been 52 studies into whether sleep training works. Through these, it has been found that 94% of the time sleep training methods implemented were effective and successful. However, for long-lasting success, you do need to continue to use the appropriate approach and adapt as your little one gets older (all things that I can advise you on). If you’ve tried sleep training yourself and it hasn’t worked, then perhaps that wasn’t the right approach for your child or perhaps they simply weren’t ready. Sometimes it’s worth seeking the advice of an expert who will gather information about the whole picture and will make a plan that is completely individualised.
It annoys me when I hear that sleep training is seen as a money-making industry. For me, I do want to make a living, but I also just want to help sleep-deprived families, because I know how absolutely awful it feels to be in that place. So, of course I charge for 1:1 services but I also give away a lot of free content on social media, my Facebook Group, this blog and via my free eBook.
I’ve worked with many parents since becoming a sleep consultant and I have never had anyone contact me and say they wish they hadn’t done it. I ‘m passionate about sleep and I want to help my clients. I want them to be happy and for their whole family to get better sleep!
If you’d like to know more about my 1:1 services, then please click here.
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