Years of exploring Self Care has taught me that self-care is not just something I should “try” to schedule around the kids - IT’S AN ABSOLUTE MUST!!!! Not only for my mental health, but for my marriage, my relationship with my kids, my friends and my family and most importantly, my relationship with the most important person in my life - myself!
Self-care is so complex and multi-faceted, but what I need you to know is that self-care is about working with your body and your emotions rather than against it. Stop pushing yourself beautiful, stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be and do it all. Lean in and listen to what you are feeling, your intuition is key here too - tune into it, respond to it and embrace your own unique cycles. When I started to allow how I was feeling to actually come up and I responded quickly to what I needed, HUGE shifts began to happen!
One of the greatest gifts my exploration of self-care has gifted me is to really tune into my own unique cycle. Like most women my age, getting my period was literally the worst day of my LIFE! Not only was it Christmas time, but it was the height of summer and I had no idea how I was going to explain to my brother that I couldn’t go in the pool for 5-7 days! Having your period was never spoken about and so I had no idea how it was going to change my life, so that week I sat upright on the blow blown-up couch (remember those!) in my room, scared of what might happen if I moved!
I hated my period for 22 years until2 years ago, when I began to understand its importance in my life and the effect my feelings towards my period and being a woman was having on my self-care!!! When I started to read and understand how the menstrual cycle affects us, I was astounded and so, for the first time, I began tracking my cycle!
One of the most amazing books on this is Do Less by Kate Northrup. She explains the cycles both biologically and energetically:
FOLLICULAR PHASE:
Biologically - when the egg producing follicles in your ovaries, get ready to release the egg. This happens right after you bleed during the menstrual phase of your period. What happens is that the lining of your uterus begins to build up in preparation for pregnancy.
Energetically - It’s time to plan and plant the seeds of creation and desire. It’s the best time to brainstorm and to start and create new projects!!!
OVULATION PHASE
Biologically - This is when you’re the most fertile, the body has released the egg and it’s ready and raring to be fertilised! Your body is going crazy producing chemicals that make you wildly more attractive to the opposite and sometimes the same sex too! You release pheromones and will be more articulate and magnetic!
Energetically - this is the best time in your cycle to shout to the world what your working on - the best time to put yourself out there. It’s the best time in your cycle to make the sales calls, get those social media posts out there and pitch those new ideas. It's also a great time to be open to or initiate collaborations with others who energetically align.
LUTEAL PHASE
Biologically - this is the phase when ovulation ends and you begin to menstruate. This is the time when your energy shifts inwards. What’s happening is that the corpus luteum, which is what’s left of the ovarian follicle that was housing the egg that was released, starts to produce progesterone. Progesterone turns the uterine lining into a soft bed to welcome a fertilised egg.
This same hormone helps us to feel calm and peaceful. The luteal phase lasts longer than the other phases and rightly so, because the Goddess herself designed it that way, because you’re energetically poised to complete projects.
Energetically - It’s the perfect time to bring everything together, even those projects you initiated in the follicular phase. Your brain is ready to focus and finish the things you started. It’s time to tune inwards, slow down in preparation for the next phase of the cycle.
MENSTRUAL PHASE
This is the time in your cycle when you're physically bleeding. If the egg your body has released has not been fertilised, then during this phase your body releases the uterine lining that’s been building up. The corpus lute stops producing progesterone which results in the uterine lining being released in preparation for the next cycle.
Energetically - It’s a time for rest and reflection. Although your physical energy will most likely be lower (yep that’s why we don’t wanna go to the gym) your brain, however, is highly connected between the left and right hemispheres, which means you are able to integrate logical and intuitive information with incredible clarity and intelligence. It’s a great time to journal and look at aspects of your life that are and are not working!
On the surface level, I believed self-care was hot baths, candles and gratitude journals, even though these things were nice, they really didn’t help me in any big way. What I discovered was that self-care was about replenishing the energy that everyone was taking from me - my husband, my 5 kids, family and friends.
It was about tuning into my menstrual cycles to work with my body rather than against it. Not pushing or forcing her but listening to her, feeling and flowing with her own unique cyclical energy. Learning to say no to someone when it doesn't feel right, having boundaries and not allowing people to cross them even when they try hard to push them! Asking for help when I needed it!!!!
Yes to someone else, it might mean I might get less done or I hear lots of women concerned that it might make them look weak, but I know I’ll be far more productive because I’m working with her energy rather than pushing against it.
On a deeper level of my self-care journey, I knew I also had to release her, I had to unravel not only the expectations of others but also those I had placed on myself for so many years. It meant that I had to lovingly and very patiently release the woman inside who always placed her value and worth on how much money she made, what she got done in a day and how perfect her children were.
Part of the self-care journey is to gently allow her to be just as she is right now in this moment. Perhaps a little vulnerable and afraid but courageous enough to allow herself to unravel.
Now she is being replaced by a woman who is more loving towards herself, more content and far less concerned with the outcome, but rather how she is feeling and showing up in her own life.
Even though a hot bath, candles and a lovely cup of tea are a treat for the soul, self-care and a deeper love for yourself is about tuning into all of her.Tuning into her menstrual cycle to understanding what she needs energetically and then allowing her to unravel and release. So, beautiful soul, what is your heart singing to you, what is your body physically craving, what is your soul whispering to you that it hopes you take note of? Listen intently for the answers and then just fall into that!
Honouring your cycle and tuning into your rhythmic flow is something that we do together during The Unraveling Coaching Series. If you would like to learn more click on the link below. I'd love to support you! Get in Touch. I look forward to hearing from you, beautiful! Xx
Jess Sermak
