As a mom, have you ever wondered if your parenting style might have unknowingly contributed to the distance between you and your adult child? It’s a difficult thought to sit with, but it's a reality many moms face. This isn’t about assigning blame; rather, it’s about recognizing the subtle signs of toxic behavior that may have impacted your relationship.

As someone who has walked this path, I understand how challenging it can be to look at ourselves with a critical eye, but this reflection can be a powerful step toward healing.

1. Spotting the Red Flags in Our Own Behavior

Take a moment to think back on your years of raising your child. Were there moments where you were perhaps overly controlling or critical? Did you use guilt as a way to guide their decisions? These behaviors may have felt necessary at the time—maybe you were going through a difficult divorce, managing childhood wounds of your own, or simply trying to cope without the support system you needed. But it’s essential to recognize these red flags, even if it’s hard to admit.

This doesn't make you a bad mom. We've all made mistakes. I was once notorious for guilt-tripping my daughter, especially during our estrangement. I wanted to protect her, and I thought I was doing the right thing by begging her to come home. But now, looking back, I see that my approach wasn’t always fair to her. Reflecting on our past interactions helps us identify where things might have gone wrong.

2. Understanding the Impact of Our Actions

If you can see yourself in any of these behaviors, you may be wondering, “Could this be why my child has distanced themselves?” The answer might be yes. Sometimes, our children withdraw to protect themselves from the fear of repeating past conflicts.

This realization can be painful, but it's also empowering. By understanding the impact of your actions, you open the door to the possibility of reconnection. It might not happen on your timeline, but it creates space for healing when both sides are ready.

3. Reflecting and Growing from the Past

Now that you’ve identified some of these red flags, the next step is growth. This isn’t about blaming yourself or living in guilt; it's about moving forward in a healthier way. By addressing your own negative behaviors, you not only begin to heal yourself, but you also set the stage for healing the relationship with your child.

The family dynamic may not instantly go back to the way it was, but by taking control of your own actions, you can foster an environment that is more conducive to reconnection.

4. Keeping Hope Alive

Healing is a process that takes time, and it’s rarely on our schedule. But it’s important to hold onto hope. Every small step you take toward understanding, self-reflection, and growth can bring you closer to reconnection with your child. And while you can't control their actions or their timing, you can control how you approach the situation with love and openness.

At the end of the day, this journey is about overcoming hopelessness, and each step you take toward healing is a step toward the possibility of reconciling with your child.