I was 32 and a brand new mom when I was diagnosed with lung cancer.
At the time, it was a complete shock and seemed so unexpected. How could I, an otherwise healthy woman with no significant tobacco history, have lung cancer?
Over time, however, I understood much of what I'd experienced in my life up until that point, set the stage for a major health crisis like lung cancer to develop.
You see, I did a lot of healing in my twenties to address my past physical, emotional and sexual abuse. I attended 12-step programs for my eating disorder, journaled, read every self-help book available at the time, went to group and individual therapy and listened to personal development tapes (this was the 90s, after all).
I turned to Chinese medicine in the form of acupuncture, herbs and cupping and benefited greatly from EMDR to heal my severe PTSD. The then-novel treatment proved that much healing happened beyond words in the body, brain and nervous system.
I explored mind/body connections through the work of pioneer Louise Hay and her book, Heal Your Life, where, according to her mind/body wisdom - "unexpressed grief and depression can get stuck in the lungs."
Lung
The ability to take in life. Depression. Grief.
Not feeling worthy of living life fully.
Cancer
Deep hurt. Longstanding resentment.
Deep secrets or grief eating away at self.
With this intense focus on mind/body healing, I felt in my heart that all the trauma and abuse I had experienced had weakened my body and devastated my health. While shocking, my diagnosis made sense as seen through a mind/body lens.
Following my lung cancer diagnosis and surgery, I attended a cancer support group at my local hospital, but it didn't feel like a fit. For starters, most people were much older than me and focused only on their disease and treatments, not on healing.
Week after week, they identified solely as their disease. I was met with blank stares when I
shared what I was doing to dive below the illness and what patterns may have contributed to my body breaking down.
Hmmm, not the space for that kind of inquiry.
My healing path veered away from the limited offerings in the cancer world and was put on hold. I continued regular scans with occasional acupuncture and counseling, but at this point, I mainly focused on raising my young daughter and newborn son and creating a small business.
During the decades that followed my diagnosis, my marriage disintegrated as secrets were uncovered, and I had to prioritize my truth and wellbeing. I became a single mom to two young children and had to recreate my life in every way, despite being out of the workforce for years.
Rather than wallowing in self-pity, I finally felt I could breathe again and viewed this life twist as a challenge, albeit painful for my children. I knew divorce would be far better than being "safely" married under layers of lies.
That said, during the years following my divorce, there was a lot of stress around co-parenting, health issues with the kids and my mother's death. My best friend kept me sane and laughing. Sometimes, we just need one person who gets us and sees us.
I continued on my personal development and healing quest, and exploring more evidence of the connection between my thoughts and the quality of my life.
In my late 40's, I discovered yoga, mainly as a way to exercise. Over time, the benefits to my mood, clarity and sense of peace became evident. I attended yoga teacher training at age 50 and began teaching classes and workshops at local yoga studios. Since then, I have sought advanced training in yoga for first responders, grief, and oncology yoga.
I am interested in connecting with people who probably would never step foot in a yoga studio - people who may be older, "not flexible or a size 2", or who have experienced trauma in their personal or professional lives.
I am less interested if you can master a pose than if you can navigate your life with ease and joy, regardless of what gets thrown your way.
The practices of yoga asana (physical postures) and pranayama (breathwork) make that possible.
In addition to my yoga training, for the past 15 years, my career has centered around the lung cancer community. I have worked for two national non-profit organizations and have literally met and supported hundreds of people across the country, closely impacted by cancer.
Through these relationships, I have witnessed similar underlying emotions: shock, overwhelm, fear, anger and disbelief. Within the same experience, so too blooms courage, grace, kindness, forgiveness, gratitude and incredible love.
Now that I am 25 years out from that shocking lung cancer diagnosis and my children are living their best lives, it feels like the perfect time to share all I've learned through Resilient Souls.
Cancer is a wake-up call and can be a catalyst for incredible healing and growth. It doesn't happen automatically, and time alone won't deliver it.
It is here that you get to explore the impact of a cancer diagnosis through the lens of trauma, empowering you to redefine who you are now through yoga, meditation and mindfulness practices; to heal your nervous system, relationships and self-concept.
This program isn't what is considered toxic positivity, where you're asked to just "think positive thoughts."
While mindset is a part of living a joyful life, true healing comes from seeing what hasn't had a chance to be revealed.
From feeling it, naming it and processing it to whatever degree you need, however long it takes.
I will share tools to help release stuck emotions and energy from the body. And when you are ready, let them be.
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