Let's Talk About Anger.
Today, I want to share with you a piece of feedback I frequently receive and talk about one of the feelings that has a bad reputation- anger.
You are so calm.
People often tell me, "Janice, you are so calm. I can't imagine you ever losing your temper." My family and I get a good laugh out of that one. The people I live with have never asked me that question, "How do you always hold it together? I can't imagine you ever losing your temper."
That tells you I am human, just like everyone else.
I am actually an empath, which means I feel all the feelings.
Frequently.
My superpower is not innate. The way I am in the world is very different now from how I was as a child and that comes as a result of dealing with big feelings myself and the number of clients I've helped over the decades learn how to deal with their feelings, too.
My superpower is not innate. The way I am in the world is very different now from how I was as a child and that comes as a result of dealing with big feelings myself and the number of clients I've helped over the decades learn how to deal with their feelings, too.
Anger is one of my favorite emotions.
Anger is a powerful response to a problem.
It is your brain's way of saying, "Something is wrong, and you had better fix it."
That is a different emotion from rage.
Rage is the mind deciding, "Oh! This problem is so big that we can't fix it."
There is a real attachment of helplessness to that sense of rage.
Anger is not what needs to be managed.
Anger needs attention, like every other emotion that comes into your space.
Anger vs. Rage
It's true! Anger is actually one of my favorite emotions because I love passion.
That is one of the things that attracts me to small business owners and entrepreneurs. They have a passion that they have used to create this amazing thing in the world and that is what keeps them committed to their mission.
Now, not everyone who is passionate gets their fuel from anger. However, anger has real power behind it and that is why so many people are afraid of it - that it feels like something could be so big it could get out of control. And certainly, sometimes, with some people, it does, which can make us worry about what we might do with this mighty emotion.
Your Brain and Your Emotional Buckets
I want you to understand why sometimes people will say, "You're overreacting."
Have you heard that? I have.
Do any of those phrases help you when you're angry or enraged?
They don't help me- especially when they are true.
Let me explain... The brain stores information that causes us to overreact sometimes because it doesn't care about time.
As far as your brain is concerned, everything you think, feel, act on is all happening right now in this moment. It doesn't matter if the story being told actually happened twenty, thirty or even a hundred years ago - your brain doesn't care.
What that means is, if something happens today, like a person not using their turn signal or if someone doesn't completely stop at a stop sign, and it makes you angry. You may notice, "I am really overreacting to this situation. Why am I so angry? I wasn't in danger in any way. It was just annoying."
This is your Emotional Bucket dedicated to anger being activated. Your brain got excited - it recognized you were feeling angry, so it threw you into that emotional bucket with all of your unresolved anger stories. And now, you are surrounded by all of these anger stories and your body is feeling all of them at once.
This is your brain's way of inviting you to clean out that bucket. Because, even though our brain may not manage things the way we want it to sometimes, it really does want us to be well, and it's trying to help us be more aware of any internal stuff that needs our attention.
Ways to Empty Your Anger and Rage Buckets
Tapping: There are some simple tapping techniques that have been created based on the Meridian or ancient Chinese medicine system which - and no needles involved - we can treat them as acupressure points and just tap or gently massage these points in a certain way.
I'm not going to teach you the whole system right now. However, just to give you a sample.
For releasing anger:
So just tap or massage those spots.
For releaseing rage:
1. The outer eyebrow - your temple area.
2. Under the collarbone in the soft spot before your rib cage begins
There is more that I can teach you about that technique. However, that's just a little sample of something you can try, that is a way of saying, "Hello body. I know that this is what you're feeling. And I want to try and help you to release a bit of that emotion."
That is something we can do with all of our emotions - recognize that they are trying to tell us something.
A message might be something that is buried at the bottom of that bucket, which means it's not in present time. So, if you're wanting to focus on what's going on right here, right now, then you may need to leave that in the bucket for a moment and check it out more when you have more time or energy and maybe some supportive person to process with.
Anger is not what needs to be managed.
Anger needs attention, like every other emotion that comes into your space.
Angry behaviors that cause trouble in your relationship, your job, even with the police department - those situations need alternatives. That's all. It's not that you should not be acting.
It's that choosing to act in ways that do not cause harm to you or others is ideal.
Here are some other constructive ways to release anger:
The list goes on, and I want to encourage you to be creative in thinking of ways that resonate with you to give that energy the attention that it craves in a way that is supportive to you and not harmful to anyone else.
Taking care of yourself - serving yourself well - gives you the ability to serve your business well.
Need some clarity on your next best steps? Schedule a Clarity Call with me.
Ready to end the cycle of overwhelm and burnout? Add some new tools to your toolbox.
AUTHOR
Janice Steinbach
The Wise Growth Coach
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