Read The Transcript Of The Episode:

 

Speaker 1:

This is the Ultimate Advisor Podcast, the podcast for financial advisors who want to create a thriving, successful, and scalable practice. Each week we'll uncover the ways that you can improve your referrals, your team, your marketing, and your business operations, helping you to level up your advising practice, bring in more assets and create the advising practice that you've dreamed of.

 

Speaker 1:

You'll be joined by your hosts, Bryan Sweet, who has more than half a billion dollars in assets under management, Brittany Anderson, the driving force for Advisors Looking to Hire, improve their operations and company culture, and Draye Redford who can help you systematize and automate your practices marketing to effortlessly attract new clients.

 

Speaker 1:

So what do you say? Let's jump into another amazing episode of the Ultimate Advisor Podcast.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Hello and welcome back to your Ultimate Advisor Podcast. This is Brittany Anderson and I have got an awesome guest with me today. His name is David Wood, founder of Play for Real. David, welcome to the show.

 

David Wood:

Thank you Brittany. I'm happy to be here.

 

Brittany Anderson:

I am super excited to have you on. We were introduced by our friend, mutual friend Matt Halloran. Anybody that comes from Matt is just good as gold to us, so I am excited to have this conversation with you today and to really share your expertise, and your passion, and your mission with our audience.

 

Brittany Anderson:

David, let's kick this off by you just talking a little bit about your own journey, what got you here and what the heck it is you do.
 

David Wood:

And we're talking mainly to financial advisors, right? Or is it all advisors?

 

Brittany Anderson:

Primarily our audience is high net worth wealth advisors-

 

David Wood:

Wealth advisors.

 

Brittany Anderson:

... but we do has kind of a mix. We've got some insurance people out there, we've got a whole wealth of [crosstalk 00:02:06]-

 

David Wood:

All right. That helps.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Yeah.

 

David Wood:

I began life as a consulting actuary, which your audience might actually know what that is. And for those who don't, I dealt with longterm financial projections, 50 years, 100 years. We calculate insurance premiums, pension fund contributions. I'm a self-confessed geek and I was really good... Something happened in year nine at school and I started topping my classes.

 

David Wood:

I don't know what it was, but I started doing really well and actuarial science seemed to be the way to go. And I thought I had it made because I got a transfer from Sydney to New York and I was consulting to Sony Music, and Exxon, and Ford and Procter & Gamble, and working on Park Avenue.

 

David Wood:

It was super exciting for a 23 year old from country town in Australia, but what I was missing, I was doing well at my job, but I didn't realize I was missing a whole other part of life and fortunately I stumbled on a personal growth course and they cracked my cynicism open and they helped me realize that while I was good at numbers, and systems, and business, I didn't know anything about emotional intelligence.

 

David Wood:

I didn't know anything about vulnerability. I didn't know anything about revealing and having deep connection with humans. I was just like everything on the surface, and yeah, it was personable and all that. So I've spent the last 25 years of my life getting good at that.

 

David Wood:

And so now I don't coach people who just want their business to be better, they can find plenty of business coaches, and I don't find people who just want their life to be better because I'm so good at the business side as well. Let's look at how the two intertwine and how mastering Tough Conversations is going to help you in your business and with your family.

 

David Wood:

Let's look at how work-life balance is going to have you feel way better, and sleep better, and get you more clients. Oh, and I didn't say, in that personal growth course, I found myself coaching somebody by accident and I changed someone's life overnight-

 

Brittany Anderson:

Wow.

 

David Wood:

... and I was hooked. I'm like, "Wow, this is amazing stuff." By just helping people take the puzzle pieces that are a bit confusing and vague to them because they're in it and help them get some perspective. That's really exciting for me.

 

Brittany Anderson:

I think that's really powerful, David. You said a couple of things that that piqued my interest a little bit. Number one saying you dove into this personal growth course, and something we talk about a lot on our podcast, a lot in our mastermind and in our coaching is just about pushing yourself outside the box.

 

Brittany Anderson:

There's the old saying of, "If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room." And sometimes we have to push ourselves outside of that zone. So I think that's really important to pull out of what you said.

 

Brittany Anderson:

The other thing too is when you talk about how you don't coach people just on personal and you don't just coach them on just their business, there's a mash. I think that is also a powerful statement because as entrepreneurs, we know that work-life balance, that teeter totter never stops. It's always tipping one way or the other and it really becomes. And it's not work and life, it's just life. It's your life.

 

Brittany Anderson:

And when you're living off your passion and you're serving people that you really want to help and you want to serve, it just becomes who you are, what you do and really why you're put on this planet.

 

Brittany Anderson:

David, you started talking a little bit about the Tough Conversations, so I want you to elaborate because something that hear quite a bit actually when we work with these advisors, when we work with our members and even when we've filtered questions from our podcast audience is, what do you do with somebody who maybe got you here but isn't going to get you there?

 

Brittany Anderson:

So a team member that's helped you get to this point that maybe they've plateaued. They're an awesome team member, they've really had their heart in it, but they just maybe don't quite have the maybe skillset or the drive to get to the next level that you want to get to. How do you approach that? How do you have those types of conversations on your team?

 

David Wood:

Firstly, I want to double click on something you said about the growth and the importance of the growth. They used to tell me back when I was starting coaching to grow your business, grow yourself.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Yes.

 

David Wood:

It was convenient for coaches to say that to their clients because we want the clients to grow themselves and we want to help them do that, so we'll tell them, "You've got to grow yourself." I've always said that, but it's become so much more real recently. And when I look back on my life, I got nominated to something called the Transformational Leadership Council.

 

David Wood:

It was being one of the pinnacles of my career and that was founded by Jack Canfield from Chicken Soup and John Gray. So I get to go and hang out with these people as family and as peers, Marianne Williamson, presidential candidate.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Wow.

 

David Wood:

She was a member, and I'm hanging out with these people like, "What?" And that could never happen if I had not grown myself. There's no way, if I wasn't operating at the level of communication, the level of transparency, the level of integrity that I'm operating at, the level of awareness.

 

David Wood:

These people wouldn't give me a second look. They'd be polite, but like, "You can't hang out with us." So I think it really is true and one way... I'm giving more context to Tough Conversations. I am getting your question.

 

Brittany Anderson:

No, this is so good, yeah.

 

David Wood:

But one way you can grow yourself and I saw this in your pre-interview questions is by doing something uncomfortable because if you stay in your comfort zone, it's not likely that growth is going to happen there. So if you ask yourself, "How do I grow? Oh, I have to do something uncomfortable, I have to go into my discomfort zone."

 

David Wood:

One way to do it, go and do a personal growth course and I'll help you find those zones. Another way, work with a coach, and another way, and you can do all three of these together is Tough Conversations. Leaning into those conversations that are awkward because each time we have them we learn something about ourself and we get a chance to grow and expand down range.

 

David Wood:

So I wanted to give a plug for Tough Conversations of why I think they're so valuable to the entrepreneur who has some emotional intelligence and some spiritual intelligence and has a growth mindset. Now to your question, someone's gotten you here but they're not going to get you there. I think the question is really how do you let go of that person?

 

Brittany Anderson:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

 

David Wood:

Right? That's an edgy one. And the meta situation here is just how do you say something to someone when they might get upset?

 

Brittany Anderson:

Yeah.

 

David Wood:

I have a 4-Step process and before you even start like go and do the conversation with the four steps, you want to get clarity. Now I'm going to go meta again. The big thing that stops people from a lot of Tough Conversations is they don't even realize that there's a tough conversation waiting there. So once you've realized it, all right, I think I need to let Jim go. That's huge, now get clarity.

 

David Wood:

And there's a free download on my website and we'll give listeners the free download at the end of the episode. What you'll get in the download is a worksheet and this is goal because you want clarity. The reason we don't have a lot of these conversations is we don't have clarity, so this worksheet will help you realize what's the hope you have, what's a great outcome from the conversation. That's critical, and then you can share that with the person.

 

David Wood:

For example, in this case, "My hope is that we come to an agreement about what's going to be a great path forward for you. That's a win for both of us and that we feel more connected." That might be a hope. And that changes everything once you have a hope, like, "Oh yeah, this is where I'm heading." What's a fear you have? How could this go wrong? That's why it's a tough conversation for you.

 

David Wood:

"My fear is you might feel unappreciated and that's not my intention because I really value you, but that's my fear and that you might be upset in this conversation, it might be awkward." I think it's really good to get clear on what are you worried about so you can name it at least for yourself and you may choose to name it for the other person too.

 

David Wood:

And then thirdly, the sheet will ask you, "Do you have a request? Is there something you can ask for this person to do that would help make the situation better?" Trying to think of what my request would be in this situation, my request might be that you hear me out and that you're honest with me about any impact of me bringing this up.

 

David Wood:

And then the worksheet will also ask you, "How might this look from their point of view?" Stepping into their shoes for a moment, and I might write down in the worksheet, "They might feel like, oh, I saw this coming. They might feel like, oh this is a relief because I wanted to go to pursue something else anyway. They might feel upset and worried about the future." That's where start it's like just get into their world.

 

David Wood:

And then the 4-Steps themselves, once you've got that clarity, and you can take this worksheet with you. A lot of people think, oh I have to do it off the top of my head. I can't read cheat notes." No. Take it with you and say, "I wrote some stuff down because I want to do a good job of this conversation. I don't want to forget anything."

 

David Wood:

And then the 4-Steps themselves, one, you ask permission. don't just launch in like, "Hey, it's time to let you go." That's not good. Say, "Hey, I want to talk about something that's been on my mind. I want to talk about your future direction and it'd probably take about 10 or 15 minutes and I'm wondering if now's a good time." So you give give them a little context.

 

David Wood:

And then assuming you get a yes, the next step is you share one hope and one fear. "My hope out of this conversation is just as I said before, is that we feel on the same page about your direction and what's next for you and that we feel more connected. And my concern or fear is that you might take it personally, you might feel unappreciated and this conversation could be awkward. That's my concern. But again, my hope is that we feel more connected, so I'm willing to take that risk. Can I go ahead and tell you what I want to say?"

 

David Wood:

So you are checking in again and they're probably like, "All right. All right." They say yes. Then three, you share your issue and if you have a request, this would be where you share it. If someone's late for you, your request might be that you be on time or even two minutes early, and that you let me know as soon as you know you're going to be late. Don't call me 10 past 4:00 saying, "I'm late." I know that now. Call me when you know it's going to happen.

 

David Wood:

So work out what request you could make, and then the fourth step is so important, Brittany. The fourth step is get curious and listen. You've just shared the issue, which is, "I feel like you've done an amazing job getting us to here, and going forward, these are the skills that I'm looking for. I want someone who can do this, this and this and I don't feel that you yet shine there and I want to talk to you, see if you agree with that.

 

David Wood:

And then secondly to look at what's next, like do you want to train to become that person? Is that a possibility? Or is it time for us to part ways and say, 'This was awesome,' and find you find else. I want to explore that with you like what's next?"

 

David Wood:

Where step four comes in; "How is it for you to hear this? Is it a surprise? Is it expected? Is it like a relief? Is it devastating or something in between? I really want to hear, how is this for you and what are your thoughts?" And you shut up and you give them a chance and you get their world about it.

 

David Wood:

You might find a solution you have never thought of and you work it out with them, you get collaborative. You're not going to collapse. You've still got your point of view and your desires for the company, you're not going to just be like, "Oh, all right, keep on going and we'll see how it goes."

 

David Wood: 

No, if they sway you, you'll be swayed, and those are the 4-Steps, having a tough conversation: ask permission, share one hope and one fear, share the issue and a request if you have it. And then step four, get curious and listen.

 

Brittany Anderson:

David, that was awesome. And using it in a real life example, there's one thing that I want to pull out of this and I think that in business and we've joked about this before on previous episodes about how most advisors did not get into this business to manage people. They're not like, "Yes, I have such a drive to be a manager, and to have these difficult conversations, and have to put myself in that situation."

 

Brittany Anderson:

So I really want our listeners to think about this and put it in context for a minute, not only with your team but with clients as well. And something to remember is that we can only control our own reactions to situations. We can only control our own attitude, our own behaviors per se, but we can't control the others. We can't control who we're dealing with.

 

Brittany Anderson:

So I think that's what's so beautiful about your process, David, is that you really set the stage to be able to communicate what your own needs are, but then opening it up to have a really positive, productive conversation during a time that could be really difficult and really ugly.

 

Brittany Anderson:

We're humans, so when those tough things come up, not everybody loves those conversations. A lot of times they get swept under the rug or they get postponed, postponed, postponed, and all of a sudden you're looking back and you're like, "Two years have gone by and now I'm in a total mess and I don't know how the heck to dig myself out."

 

David Wood:

Yeah, it's a cumulative effect of-

 

Brittany Anderson:

Yeah.

 

David Wood:

And what's happened is, see, I wasn't trained to speak up. I wasn't trained to speak my truth, I wasn't trained to check in with what am I feeling? What are my desires? What are my annoyances? In an ideal world, my parents would have said, "There's a way for you to have that. There's a way for you to speak with someone about that and work it out together." I didn't know that.

 

David Wood:

And you raise a great point, you can't control the outcome. You can just control how you show up and that's what makes it vulnerable. And I can understand as a habit, humans running away from vulnerability, but the more I've gone into it, the more I've found this is what's going to make us be a better leader. This is going to make us... you talked about the context of it's with your clients as well.

 

David Wood:

Well, yeah. This is with your staff, this is with your business partner, this is with your clients. You can also start looking at how's your relationship with your partner, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your family? How about with your kids? Are there some issues you're not covering because they're a bit awkward and you're not sure how to speak up?

 

David Wood:

I want everybody to have this skill so they can transform all their relationships, and I want to also make the point, clients don't come to me saying, "I've got 20 Tough Conversations. Can you work with me over the next six months?" And we'll do that. That's not how it occurs because normally we're thinking, oh no, I speak up.

 

David Wood:

People come to me because they realize they want to know where their have blind spots are, they want their business to grow and they want their relationships to grow. So they come for that and we might start on productivity. "All right, how are you going to produce twice as much in less time?" We'll do that.

 

David Wood:

And then as we go along, these conversations start to pop up. One client was like, "How do I let go this staff member?" And then her husband wanted to work for her, she's like, "How do I have that conversation?" And then, "I've got a client that's paying late consistently, how do I have that conversation." "And I want a celebrity endorsement, how do I have that conversation?"

 

David Wood:

Conversations are bound and so I love that they just pop up as we go ahead and up level life and work. So I wanted to make that point too. It's not like you have to have 20 Tough Conversations, but they tend to... as you put awareness on them, you'll start to notice more and more like, "Oh, that person's late for me and I don't like it. I feel more distant from them. Is there a way that I could address this?"

 

Brittany Anderson:

It's interesting that you bring a couple of those examples up is I've taught on this before, I have this whole simple method. There's an acronym to simple in creating a culture in being an effective leader. And the M in the simple is all in managing your delivery. And I think that's what you're doing here.

 

Brittany Anderson:

It's instead of being in a reactive state, instead of barking orders or throwing out words that are maybe lost on somebody because a defense mechanism goes up on the other end. It's really in managing your delivery and mastering your delivery so you can be an effective leader, I think in any component of your life.

 

Brittany Anderson:

And I know David, you have a lot that you do on leadership as well. You can check out your website, it's playforreal.life for any of our audience members that want to check it out. But I think just talk a little bit on how you can really use this whole process and how you can really just show up as a leader, both in your business and your personal life. I'd love to hear your insight on that.

 

David Wood:

Yeah. I'm going to confess that, I think it was a year ago, I wrote to two friends and I said, "Do I know anything about leadership?" It was an honest question because I've been training people for 20 years and coaching for 20 years, but I haven't led 50 people in an organization. I guess I did lead maybe six in a company, I haven't led men or women into battle, so I'm like, "You know what?" And I didn't speak about leadership.

 

David Wood:

I'm like, "It seems strange to think that I wouldn't know anything about leadership after 20 years of personal growth. Do I know anything?" They couldn't really tell me, but I started to realize as I started to talk to people more about leadership, and look at it, and read Renee Brown's book and I was like, "Wait a minute. I've led my clients, thousands of clients, led them from where they are to where they want to be. I've led teleclasses and directed that.

 

David Wood:

I've led face-to-face groups and spoken to audience of a thousand people, and so for an hour I'm leading them and feeling into them." I was like, "Oh, wait a minute." And then when I looked at the principles that I teach, tell me if any of these are useful for a leader. Authenticity, operating with integrity, doing what you say, holding people accountable to what they say they're going to do.

 

David Wood:

Enrollment, inspiring, and motivating, and influencing people to do what you'd like them to do. Revealing, revealing, making confessions, "Hey, I screwed up and I want you all to know about it." As I looked at all the things that I teach and love, I was like, "This is inside out leadership. This is how you work on yourself and grow yourself, and then those qualities become qualities that people want to follow."

 

Brittany Anderson:

Yeah. I think that this is so good because what you're saying here is essentially that every single person has the opportunity to be a leader and they should act in that way. Because if you think about all of the things that you just talked about like authenticity and basically how you show up in life, it's not just for the people who managing big teams.
 

Brittany Anderson:

And I think that that's where things get a little skewed or fuzzy and that's when you actually hurt the culture of a team is when a business owner, when an entrepreneur, when whoever it is in the company thinks that only the top needs to lead. But that's really who needs to maybe have that accountability structure, and teach people how to show up, and be that authentic person.

 

Brittany Anderson:

It's everybody. That's how-

 

David Wood:

Yes.

 

Brittany Anderson:

... you create a cohesive team, and that's how you show up for each other, and that's where you scale. And when you have people acting in a position of leadership, whether they're the person who you know meets with a client, they answer the phone, they process and push the paperwork, no matter what it is, if they're showing up authentically as a leader, that's how your company's going to grow and that's when your clients are going to notice the difference.

 

David Wood:

Yeah.

 

Brittany Anderson:

I think just talk a little bit about that, David.
 

David Wood:

I've got a great model that's coming to mind that I think listers are going to love. I loved this. After 20 years of personal growth, I discovered this and I'm like, "Oh, that's a missing piece. It's so exciting." And I use it with my clients all the time. This is called dignity-humility model.

 

David Wood:

See, I'm interested in people having agency and agency is a great word. I haven't found a word to replace it. Agency is the ability to take action and influence what's happening. Agency is, "I'm going to do something, what can I do" If you're in a meeting, you may not be leading it, someone else might be leading it, but you could see that the energy's dropping a little bit, it might need something.

 

David Wood:

Agency is, what can I do to influence this? You might raise an issue or you might suggest something. So dignity and humility is a way to recognize where you are and how you're showing up in a situation. Dignity is simply my voice matters. It's a place to stand where you believe your voice matters and you're willing to speak up. That's it.

 

David Wood:

An example from history is Martin Luther King. Martin Luther King, "My voice matters. I have a dream." Very leadery, powerful place. Now, on the other side of the spectrum, have your piece of paper, on the right, you've got dignity, and on the left you've got humility. Humility is a place to stand where all voices matter.

 

David Wood:

I really want to listen. I want to understand from you. Now, Martin Luther King might be an incredible leader, has the ability to listen, but he's mainly speaking. Still powerful. On the humility side, when we think about a figure from history, you think of Mother Teresa, "All voices matter. I'm listening." Very powerful.

 

David Wood:

Now in the middle is a nice sweet spot. You can be powerful at either end of the spectrum, but in the middle is a nice sweet spot, my voice matters and I'm listening. And from history we think of someone like Gandhi. Gandhi, "My voice matters and all voices matter." So this is so cool because you can ask yourself in any situation, where am I on this spectrum?

 

David Wood:

In a meeting you might be shut down and not speaking. Oh, I haven't talked about the shadows, so that's important. So those are the power places, but we can collapse into the shadow of either end.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Okay.

 

David Wood:

The shadow of dignity where you go too far would be posturing, not listening at all. Dominating, arrogant, aggressive. And I'm going to get myself in trouble here, but I'm willing to get myself in trouble. A figure from history we often talk about, Hitler. He was so, so tunnel vision on a mission that didn't seem to be a lot of listening.

 

David Wood:

And a figure that I like to use today, whether you vote Republican or not, I think a lot of people might agree that Trump doesn't seem to do a lot of listening. That's not his thing. He's more into like speaking, so I would say Trump to me is over in the shadow of dignity where he's gone a bit too far and can be very polarizing.

 

David Wood:

Then on the other side, you've got people who can collapse into the shadow and I collapse a lot into the shadow of humility. This is where you're not just listening to everybody, but you're over apologizing. You're feeling shame or guilt. You're a wallflower now or a mouse and there's not a lot of power there as well.

 

David Wood:

So I love this model because I get to look, "Wait, where am I? Oh, I've collapsed into the shadow of humility. I'm apologizing, I'm awkward." It happened when I had people in my house, I said, "Yeah, you can use my house to host an event." And I spoke up and said, "Look, I want to ask for some things." And I realized I've collapsed into the shadow of humility because I know this model.

 

David Wood:

It's really hard for me to just be in my dignity and say, "Can you be quiet because I need to go and lay down or look after myself because I'm embarrassed." I wonder if you can see this, ironically in saying that, in speaking up and speaking my truth and how I was in the shadow of humility, I brought myself back into dignity and was able to say, "Yes, I'm embarrassed. I'm revealing what's happening and this is what I need."

 

David Wood:

It's kind of ironic that in saying it, naming it, I got to come back. So I'm curious what you think about this. What comes up for you as you hear this model about dignity, humility as a leadership tool.

 

Brittany Anderson:

I think that is really interesting actually. It almost goes back to your, I kept thinking about your 4-Step process and how you essentially are naming it there too, right? You have your different steps, this is how I'm going to approach the whole entire conversation, this is the framework.

 

Brittany Anderson:

And I think that it's just like business. When you go into business, you follow some sort of business model. It may not be totally cookie cutter, but you're following something. So the same thing popped in my head in this whole humility versus dignity conversation because you're naming it, which basically opens up the airwaves to speak in true transparency and with authenticity.

 

Brittany Anderson:

So I think that's really powerful. So think about that if you're listening to this for your teams. If you simply have the conversation of the humility versus dignity, the two polar ends of the spectrum and you can speak yourself like, "Hey, okay guys, I was maybe a little bit too much in my dignity in that meeting. Let's reel it in a little bit and let's talk how we need to talk. Let's unwrap this a little bit."

 

Brittany Anderson:

Or, "Hey, Susan, I see you're sitting in your humility a little bit. You're not saying a whole lot, let's bring this up a notch." So I think that it can help you to have a conversation because you're naming it and it doesn't feel threatening. It just feels like this is just how we communicate in the office.

 

Brittany Anderson:

David, I'm sure you've heard this with your clients too. What's one of the... Actually not even one of them, what is the number one issue that people have in their companies and that people have in personal relationships, in business relationships? It's communication.

 

David Wood:

Yeah.

 

Brittany Anderson:

That is the number one thing that people struggle with. So I think just having a system to be able to put context to, to be able to name it is so stinking powerful. I can just [crosstalk 00:31:38] to make an impact. This is awesome.

 

David Wood:

Yeah. It's had an impact on me. I thought I was really good at dignity-

 

Brittany Anderson:

Okay.

 

David Wood:

... because I've practiced for 20 years. I wasn't as a kid, I didn't know how to speak up to bullies, I didn't know how to speak to girls and-

 

Brittany Anderson:

And ask.

 

David Wood:

... express attraction. That's very difficult areas still for a lot of men, probably women too, but I know for men to say to a woman, "I feel attracted to you and I'd like to ask you out." That's scary. So I practiced for 20 years speaking up and it's still edgy for me, do a lot of things and particularly in groups.

 

David Wood:

I found I'm pretty good if it's one-on-one, but if there's a group and I'm not the leader, then in that context I might be quiet. I'm sitting there going, "Should I speak up? Should I not? Should I speak up?" And then I asked myself, "Where am I on the spectrum? Am I in dignity or humility?" And I realize I want to be more in my dignity. I want my voice to matter, and so I'll take the risk.

 

David Wood:

I'll take a deep breath and I'll say, "Hey, is it appropriate for me?" See, I just went into humility, which is powerful. "Is it appropriate for me to share something now? I think I have something that could address the direction of this meeting." So I just went into humility and dignity at the same time.

 

David Wood:

If I just jumped up and assumed and took leadership of the meeting and it's not appropriate, now I'm going over in the shadow of dignity. So it's so cool to just ask, "Where am I and where do I want to be?" And I want that for everybody. I want us all to be in our truth and to speak up because our voice matters.

 

David Wood:

Now, if you get an amazing result out of this, that's icing on the cake for me. I realized this when I went to the Transformational Leadership Council and I was in awe of all these people. There's Oprah as executive producer and there's a guy who produced What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams who won an Oscar. And I'm like, "Whoa."

 

David Wood:

I had imposter syndrome and I stepped into my dignity and I took a risk and I made four bold requests, including asking Jack Canfield if he wanted to write a book with me. Now, how many invites is Jack Canfield going to get a year to write a book with him? And I just felt riot and scary and I realized after the event, if I got nos from all four of those requests, it was a win for me because I was in my dignity, and I spoke my truth, and I took a shot.

 

David Wood:

And the results, I did get at least one yes out of those four bold requests, but the results are a bonus. I want everybody to feel fully expressed and I like myself more whenever I find my truth and speak it. Whether it leads to a tough conversation or not, that's the win and I want that for everybody.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Oh, that was just so good, so, so good. You know what, David, what you just said there I think is an awesome note to start wrapping up on because if you think about... Any advisor listening to this, we all go to conferences, we go to meetings. We're in front of people, like you said, where you might be a little intimidated, you might have a little bit of imposter syndrome walking into a room thinking, oh my gosh, these people have achieved so much more than I have.

 

Brittany Anderson:

I even think about when we host our mastermind, people have said that to us. "I don't know if I should attend because I don't know if I'm as successful." And it's like, that is absolutely the time that you attend. But what you just talked about, David, is an amazing framework that doesn't just apply to the Tough Conversations that you would maybe think about on a daily basis with teams, with family, with business partners, whatever.

 

Brittany Anderson:

But when you walk into a space that you're pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and going in with complete intentionality using your 4-Step framework, you can set yourself up to be like, "Yeah, I want to go talk to Jack Canfield. He authored the Chicken Soup, that's a huge thing. I think everybody and their mother has a read chicken soup for the whatever-

 

David Wood:

Everybody.

 

Brittany Anderson:

... soul. Right?

 

David Wood:

Yeah.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Going in with that intentionality and having a framework of how you're going to approach that conversation, thinking about your ideal outcome, thinking about how maybe they're going to feel, what their fears, what their concerns, what their whatever is, it helps you feel prepared. So you can apply this framework that you've created, David, you can apply this in so many different aspects of life.

 

Brittany Anderson:

So I am excited that you are giving this to everybody, that we're going to be able to have it as a download. We're going to make sure we put it on the ultimateadvisorpodcast.com website as well. If you're okay with that, I would love to have that as an option that we can link to that for you or link to your website, your page. This is [crosstalk 00:36:50] just awesome stuff.

 

Brittany Anderson:

So to round us out, David, if you could give one piece of advice to a successful advisor, what would that be?

 

David Wood:

I think you said it that communication is everything. It's the air we breathe and this truth speaking technology that I'm talking about here with humility, dignity and the 4-Steps to speak your truth maybe a tough conversation, maybe not. That's the missing link between us and other humans.

 

David Wood:

We already know how to speak when it's easy. Pretty much we could do better at that too, but most of us did not get trained in how to speak when there's something edgy for us and this is the missing link, and this is the doorway to personal growth. And should you choose to accept this mission, this assignment of leaning in to any truth that feels a bit awkward, or scary, or vulnerable to say, then I say, you are going to grow, you're going to be a better human being.

 

David Wood:

You're going to become someone that I'd want to have a beer with. And if you're not already and you maybe, you're going to be someone that people want to follow, and be around, and your life's going to get better guaranteed, almost guaranteed. Sometimes you'll have some hiccups. We didn't talk about those, but almost guaranteed your life gets better, but the beauty of it is your business tends to grow as well.

 

David Wood:

So in short, communication is everything. If you are willing to invest time to get better at it, you're going to be so grateful a year, five years, 20 years from now. You're not going to go, "Oh, I should've put that off 10 years." You're going to go, "I should've gotten better at this 10 years earlier."

 

Brittany Anderson:

It's so powerful. I want to give a few takeaways to our audience members to really pull out the golden nuggets that I had made notes of personally because David, you've created a raving fan in me just through this conversation. So the first thing is obviously download the 4-Step Guide that David has referenced on framing the Tough Conversations. That is going to be a gold mine for you, and your business, and your personal life, and everything in between.

 

Brittany Anderson:

The second takeaway that I really got out of this conversation that I want our audience members to apply is to push yourself outside your box. Get uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to be uncomfortable, so get comfortable being uncomfortable.

 

Brittany Anderson:

And then finally I look at, David as you were talking about the humility versus dignity spectrum and I think that if you could really sum up all that you said into one phrase, it's to just show up as an authentic leader. And that you have to define what that means to you in your life, but if you're listening to this, whether you are the primary advisor, whether you're the CEO, the owner, or if you are the second in command, I know we have some second in commands out there listening too is that you have to just define what your own authenticity looks like and show up in that every single day.

 

Brittany Anderson:

So David, if anybody wants to get ahold of you after this, how can they reach you?

 

David Wood:

Thank you. I'm going to invite listeners to some action steps that can really have this episode make a difference in your life.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Awesome.

 

David Wood:

The website is playforreal.life. We're playing a game in life, but it's not a frivolous game, let's play it like it matters. So playforreal.life. It's not a.com, some people get confused. And the action steps that I'd invite you to take one; subscribe to Tough Conversations with David Wood and listen to me as well as the amazing Brittany. I'd love to have you join us on that.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Awesome.

 

David Wood:

Two; download the blueprint, it's really awesome. I use it myself and once I didn't use it and I got myself in trouble. It says the blueprint and if you're interested in coaching for yourself and want to explore what that might look like, up leveling life in business, then request a session with me.

 

David Wood:

If you qualify for Discovery Session, I don't charge for those sessions because it's how I find the right people to work with longterm and we can explore it. And coaching isn't right for everybody. You might just leave with a plan for your life and work and let me know it goes.

 

David Wood:

And also I want people to know we've got a new service now I'm super excited about, which is Spot Coaching for teams and companies. So if you can't afford coaching for all your staff, you can afford coaching just in time for your staff when they have a conversation that they want to have, but they're not sure how to have it.

 

David Wood:

I lost my assistant because she didn't even know that she could speak up about things that weren't working and she didn't know she could have a conversation. If she had this service, she could have booked a session with a coach just when she needed it, role played it, and then gone and had it with me and enjoyed her job instead of quitting.

 

David Wood:

So I'm super excited. We've got a school, 60 teachers now. We're going to roll this out for them to support them whenever they have a problem at work and they don't feel they can go to their boss about it. So you can reach out to me through playforreal.life too if you're interested in the Spot Coaching program for your team.

 

Brittany Anderson:

That is awesome. I love it. I love it all. David, thank you so much for your time today. This was exceptional. I know that our listeners got a ton of value out of what you had to say, so I'm excited. I would love to do this again sometime, have another conversation, have you featured here.

 

Brittany Anderson:

You've just got so much great insight that I think is totally valuable to like you said in the beginning, business and personal, so it was amazing.

 

David Wood:

Awesome. Thank you so much Brittany.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Absolutely. That wraps up today's episode of your Ultimate Advisor Podcast. We will catch you right back here next week.

 

Brittany Anderson:

Hey there, Brittany Anderson here. If you are loving what you're hearing on our Ultimate Advisor Podcast, don't keep us a secret. Share us with other advisors that you think would benefit from the messages that you are hearing. The easiest way to do that is to simply send them to ultimateadvisorpodcast.com. And if you want to learn a few other ways that we could potentially serve you as an advisor, go check out ultimateadvisormastermind.com.

 

Brittany Anderson:

As always, we are so happy to have you here with us as part of the Ultimate Advisor community, and we look forward to a continued relationship.