5 Signs You're Ready For a Healthy Relationship

If you’ve spent any time on dating apps, you’ll have heard the phrase “I don’t know what I’m looking for yet.” It might have been followed up with “But I’ll know it when I see it.” It’s infuriating, and it’s a great sign you won’t have a healthy relationship with that person.

Why? It’s code for “I’m hedging my bets.” The person hasn’t put any thought into the future. They don't know their own needs, what kind of relationship they want, or if they even want a relationship. They’re basically happy with whatever comes along. That makes it unlikely they’re ready for a healthy relationship because they don’t know what one looks like. 

So if these people aren’t ready for a healthy relationship, how do you know that you are? We’ve rounded up five of the signs that you’re ready. Check them out!

1) You Love Your Life As It Is

A lot of people assume a relationship will ‘complete’ their life. Trouble is, that’s the wrong way to look at relationships. They’re not something to check off on the ‘to have’ list. Believe me, if you’re not happy with your life now, why do you think you’d be happy with your life with a partner?

But if you’re content with your life as it is, you’re ready for a healthy relationship. That’s because you know how to function as an individual, and you don’t need a partner to feel complete. Instead, you want to share that amazing life with someone else. That shift from ‘need’ to ‘want’ is a major shift in energy from desperation to desire.

You need to think of a relationship as two whole people coming together to build something new. Contrary to what Jerry Maguire taught us, relationships aren’t two half people completing each other.

2) You Accept Yourself

Don’t worry, we’re not about to trot out that old favourite of “If you can’t love yourself, how can anyone else love you?” We don’t believe it’s true! Everyone deserves love, not just those who love themselves.

But when you want a healthy relationship, it’s important to accept yourself for who you are. That’s because when you do, you won’t change yourself to suit a partner. Trying to be someone you’re not just to be accepted is not a sign of a healthy relationship. You can’t find the right person if they don’t know who you really are.

Changing to suit your partner causes problems if you end up dating a narcissist. They’ll be able to mould you to their desired form if your opinion of them is higher than your opinion of yourself.

Accepting yourself also leads us onto the third sign that you’re ready.

3) You Have Good Standards and Boundaries

Some people hear ‘standards’ and think it means being too specific about the type of person you want to date. But having standards doesn’t mean you’ll only date blonde people who earn more than £70,000 a year, drive a BMW and have a second house in Tuscany.

Having standards means you know what behaviour you are, and are not, prepared to accept. For example, it means you’re not prepared to put up with someone who only gets in touch when they want something. It means not chasing someone you like who isn’t making an effort. Ultimately, it means not compromising on what you want out of life.

This is why it’s so important to be happy with your life and yourself. When you reach this state, you know who will be compatible with you. Your standards become a guide to who is a good match, and who isn’t. 

Boundaries will become a part of this. You’ll be able to set boundaries that make you feel safe and comfortable. The right people will honour them, meaning anyone who doesn’t is the wrong one!

4) You Have Love and Life Goals

We all know the importance of setting life goals. That might be in your career, your hobbies, or your personal life. This ties into #1, that it’s important to be happy with your life in general. After all, the only person who’s ever guaranteed to be in it is you. Setting goals for things you want is how you can measure how much progress you’re making.

But it’s also important to know what you want out of a relationship. That means setting goals for what you want to achieve in love. Maybe you want to get married. Perhaps you want to start a family. Or maybe you want a partner who wants to travel around the world with you.

When you know what you want a healthy relationship to look like, you can find someone who wants the same thing. It’s much easier to build a relationship with a like-minded person! Now, that might mean it takes a little longer to meet the right one. But you won’t settle for someone who just wants to date casually if you want to run a business empire with your partner!

5) You Don't Take Rejection Personally

This can be a tricky one because no one likes being rejected. We’re a social species, hardwired to get approval from the group! It can make you question what’s wrong with you, or what you should do differently.

But you’ll know you’re ready for a healthy relationship when you stop taking rejection so personally.

Look at it this way. You’ve had dates with people who were perfectly lovely, but they just weren’t for you. There was nothing wrong with them and your rejection wasn’t personal. So why would you assume it would be different the other way around?

You know you won't be everyone's cuppa tea. No one is! That’s why people always had favourite members of pop bands. No matter how awesome you are (and you are), there will always be people who just won’t ‘get’ you. Just like there are people you don’t get.

Rejection will still sting. It’ll be disappointing. But you won’t make it mean anything about you as a person.

A Healthy Relationship Isn't Out of Reach

These are our five main signs that you’re ready for a healthy relationship. Now, you might check all the boxes with ease—which is great! 

But if you’ve been in a challenging or narcissistic relationship? You might find it harder to believe that healthy relationships are even possible. We’ve given you the steps to help you get there, but narcissistic relationships can batter your sense of self so much you’re not sure who you are any more.

If this is you, then don’t worry. You can still heal from a toxic relationship before you enjoy a healthy one! Keen to learn how to do this? Sign up for our webinar, which will guide you through five steps to healing from narcissistic relationships (without spending years in therapy).