The value of truth.

How to stop lying.

A couple of years ago, I found myself in a very difficult place in life.

 

I had stopped self-harming and learned how to sit with the pain, the anger and the shame I was used to running away from through my addictions.

 

I was also in a relationship with a manipulative partner who greatly knew how to influence my emotions to convince me to stay in a relationship where I was completely starving physically and emotionally.

 

I wasn ‘t happy with the job I was doing. Going through the motion to pay the bills at the end of the month, but secretly knowing that I could do better for my life than that.

 

I was flirting with the idea of suicide for a while.

 

Not because I truly wanted to leave, but because I didn‘t want to fully commit to life.

 

I had taken enough time to observe the way everyone else was living around me and I just didn‘t want a life like that for myself.

 

• A body that reflects the weight of the daily stress, lack of sleep and unnatural way of living
• A mind that doesn’t know how to be present, content and open
• A heart that feels empty due to the massive lack of connection with ourselves, others and everything that is around us
• A soul that slowly dies on the inside because we convinced ourselves that life is about working, paying the bills and retiring.

 

It seems like some people get so good at convincing themselves that they can go their whole life living like this.

 

I knew that there wouldn’t be a way I would make it to 30 if I didn’t change something to make my life better.

 

I contemplated the amount of work, patience, failures, changes and hardships I would have to go through if decided to create a good life for myself.

 

But came to realise that if I truly wanted to commit to creating the best life I would also have to commit to something else:

 

The Truth.

 

What happens when you stop lying to yourself.

 

The fact that you can actually lie to the exact person you are absolutely fascinates me.

 

It’s like wanting to make yourself a surprise and actually being surprised when you receive the gift. It doesn’t work.

 

You can’t lie to yourself without knowing that you are lying to yourself.

 

So, to cover up your lies, you avoid sitting with it by diving into the endless distractions of the external world.

 

- Porn

- Food

- Work

- Sports

- Netflix

- Going out

- Scrolling on social media

- Alcohol and other substances

- Etc.

 

 

In my opinion, committing to the truth is probably the hardest and most difficult decision you can make in life.

 

Because deep inside, we all know how much most parts of our lives have been built on a foundation full of lies.

 

Finding the courage to break down this brittle version of reality you have convinced yourself into, will completely shatter the life you have been living until this day.

 

I will always remember how painful but terribly freeing I’ve felt after I sat with the truth of how I was feeling inside.

 

This is what the most honest version of me was saying to me:

 

Olivia,

 

1. I need help
2. I hate my dad
3. I feel so lonely
4. I am ashamed of X, Y and Z
5. I am desperate for touch and attention
6. I don’t want to live in a big city ever again
7. I do not enjoy the place you currently work at
8. I miss my family and my friends in Switzerland
9. I am not in love with the man you are currently with
10. I don’t want to entertain superficial and fake relationships anymore

 

This was painful to hear from me because it was an honest and vulnerable reflection of the deep dissatisfaction of life I was feeling and the raw pain I was in.

 

But now that I truly knew how Olivia was feeling, I also knew what decisions I had to make to move towards a life that felt better.

 

I had no idea what that life looked like. Because no one around me was living a life I felt inspired to want to live.

 

But I had clarity about what I didn’t want to experience again.

 

From there, I was able to make one decision after the other, guided by a deep will to align my actions with the circumstances of reality. No matter how painful it was to accept reality sometimes.

 

Observing the real version of Olivia and stripping her from the lies I was telling myself to constantly try to make her look perfect, humbled me in a very deep way.

 

I could see her flaws, her insecurities, her lies, her mistakes and her darkness.

 

This was the beginning of finally accepting myself as a simple human being.

 

Not an arrogant version of some kind of god or perfect sub-human.

 

Just a simple human being who was willing to explore life to the fullest and who was willing to see, hear, understand and feel everything that comes with the experience of life.

 

From the darkest places of what we are all capable of, to the purest expression of our souls.

 

And everything in between.

 

When you start to commit to the truth, your reality changes.

 

You start to see yourself, people and situations for who and what they are. Not for what you would like it to be.

 

This will be scary and heart-breaking at the start because we all tend to put other people on a pedestal and make them look better, stronger and nicer than how they truly are.

 

But it will simultaneously allow you to see that there aren’t any better or worse than you.

 

They are simple human beings too.

 

You will also realize that lying is part of your everyday life. It is so easy for us to share words and stories with other people that aren’t actually reflective of reality.

 

• You lie about why you are late
• You lie about how much you earn
• You lie about what you had for lunch today
• You lie about how much work you got done
• You lie about how happy you are in your romantic relationship

 

 

All these lies come out of our mouths so effortlessly that we speak before even questioning the veracity of our words.

 

Before deciding to commit to the truth, i would start by asking myself (take the time to really sit with this before making a decision) if you actually want the Truth.

 

If your (honest lol) answer is yes, here is what I want you to do.

 

How to get real

 

1. Write down your biggest lies

 

We all hold a story about ourselves we present ourselves with when we meet someone.

 

Go through the story of you and notice the subtle exaggerations, omissions or half-truths you have been sharing with people that are actually a false representation of who you truly are.

 

Then, next time you are asked to share who you are, make the conscious decisions to NOT add, subtract or deform the real version of yourself just to make yourself look better than who you truly are.

 

2. Notice yourself lying

 

We all get so used to lying that we do not realise how many lies we actually say just in one day.

 

This step is not about making ourselves feel bad for lying, it is just about becoming aware of how easy it is for all of us to say things that are actually not true.

 

I love to take some time just before I fall asleep to review my day and the conversations I had. This is the moment where I also call myself out on the potential lies I have told that day.

 

I question myself about the motivation behind the lie, and then make the conscious decision to not repeat and reinforce something that isn‘t true about myself or someone else.

 

3. Sit with the consequences of your lies

 

The world might not know (yet) that you have lied about this or that. But you know.

 

You will never be able to escape yourself. The price to pay for every lie you tell is the internal peace you hold and your conscience who knows the truth.

 

You have to realize that the lies you tell yourself and others will have consequences that could potentially destroy important relationships, opportunities and your future.

 

I can already tell you now, that no lie is worth sacrificing elements of your life that are important to you.

 

Your lies will save you short-term but will create massive damage in the long-term.

 

The more you can play out the potential consequences of your lies, the easier it will be for you to want to honor the truth.

 

4. Embrace working with reality

 

Through my healing + mental health sessions, I support and guide people through their journey to re-building their lives on real and strong foundations.

 

This is a difficult process that starts with deconstructing and letting go of all of the parts of ourselves that have been created based on the lies we have been telling ourselves and have been told by others for years.

 

But it is the only path to creating a life based on the most authentic version of who you are.

 

This will lead you to a place where you won’t have to distort reality anymore because your relationships, what you do for work, your motivations, decisions and actions are grounded in Truth.

 

Which is the only place where you can actually make anything happen.

 

I will see you in next week’s letter,

Until then, take care.

 

Oli