3 Obstacles To Overcome In Getting Unstuck
POSTED BY MANOJ VASUDEVAN · MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2022
Have you ever seen someone who is stuck and doesn't realise it? It seems obvious to you, but the other person doesn't seem to get it. They seem to be refusing help by dishing out excuses and never-ending rationale. There is another side to this...
Sometimes, the person who is blissfully stuck is YOU, without you even realising it. That's why it is important to know about the 3 obstacles so that you can help yourself and others.
There are 3 key reasons why people stay stuck
They do not realise they are stuck. Others see it. They don't.
Remember the story of the frog inside a pot of water over the hot stove? The frog is unaware of the slowly rising temperature until it is too late. Once I heard a lady saying "I watch what I eat because we gain weight slowly without even realising it. Then one day we wake up and realise we are overweight". That happens because we are not wired to notice slow-paced changes to the steady-state. Until you notice your situation you can't even think of change. If someone you care for is stuck, it is important to point it out to them because they may not realise it themselves.
But that alone is not enough because...
They firmly believe "I am doing the right things and I have already done everything I can."
Even after they realise they are stuck, many people believe they can fix it themselves. This is great to start with. However, we are masters at overestimating our potential to help ourselves. What works against this seemingly genuine approach is the incorrect identification of root causes due to our innate biases. The root cause is often a set of limiting beliefs and thinking patterns that has developed deep roots. That's why stop-gap solutions do not resolve long-standing problems. We need to look at the root cause in a different way.
The root cause is often a set of limiting beliefs or thinking patterns that have developed deep roots. That's why stop-gap solutions do not resolve long-standing problems. We need to look at the root cause in a different way.
What stops progression is a lack of right information and action, which often happens because...
They do not have the courage to ask for help
The way we think, feel and act, is a reflection of the way we process information. Most people after realising they are stuck, continue to stay stuck because they lack the courage to ask for help. They feel embarrassed, ashamed and fear rejection. They may worry that others will judge them or think they are incompetent.
In my coaching experience, what I have found is that most of the top leaders are neither super-intelligent nor lucky. They relentlessly buy back time through their willingness to get help from people who know better than them. Their endeavour is on getting things done to move ahead faster, not about doing it all by themselves. I believe the desire to do it "all by myself" develops inadvertently from well-meaning parents, guardians or teachers who rewarded, rebuked, compared or humiliated to ensure personal excellence through fear, expectation and competition. Therefore, asking for help is not easy for most. Still, the cost of delaying can be disastrous.
Asking for help is not easy for most. Still, the cost of delaying can be disastrous.
The situation soon becomes a vicious cycle for people who have an external locus of control. They could go out of control, blaming everyone and everything for their predicament. Taking 100% responsibility for our life and realising life is too short for us to know everything by ourself is the key to develop the courage to ask for help and make tremendous progress.
Taking 100% responsibility for our life and realising life is too short for us to know everything by ourself is the key to develop the courage to ask for help and make tremendous progress.
Did Newton know this when he promulgated his first law?
"An object at rest remains at rest, or if in motion, remains in motion at a constant velocity unless acted on by a net external force." ~Newton's First Law
How To Get Out of the Quagmire
In order to get out of the quagmire, firstly, you have to stop digging. Then you have to observe daily your moods, attitudes and behaviours to realise and acknowledge how stuck and frustrated you are. Then work on what needs to be done. If you need a mentor, coach or counsellor who can help you see what is needed – just go for it. There is a cost for investing in professional help. There is a higher cost to pay for doing nothing. If a frog insists on living inside a deep well, it risks drying up with the water.
There is a cost for investing in professional help. There is a higher cost to pay for doing nothing. If a frog insists on living inside a deep well, it risks drying up with the water.
The Hidden Benefit of Being Decisive
Being decisive is a common characteristic of great leaders, not because they have all the answers. They know the only way to find out the answer is by moving forward. There is no real wisdom in staying indecisive, derisive and stuck!
Movement will create momentum.
Call To Action
Need help? Ask for it. Reach out to your connections in your LinkedIn network. You are connected for a reason. The worst that can happen is they will ignore you or say NO. If you don't ask, the answer is anyway NO.
What has been your experience in asking for help? How has it helped you progression? Please comment below so that your experience can help someone in getting unstuck.