Are you a mom who places expectations on your adult child? If you're not doing it now, you might have done it in the past. It’s human nature to set expectations for our children because we want them to have better situations and experiences than we had. This often comes from a place of love and a desire to be the best parent possible. However, the outcome of such expectations is not always positive. Today, I want to discuss how these expectations can affect relationships and offer some guidance on how to manage them.

Respecting Autonomy

Adult children need space to make their own decisions, just as we did. They must learn from their own experiences. Imposing our expectations can hinder their ability to develop self-reliance. For instance, expecting them to follow a specific college or career path might prevent them from discovering their true passions and potential. This often leads to resentment, which can damage the relationship.

Avoiding Resentment

Resentment arises when adult children feel they are not meeting their parents' standards or are being pushed in a direction they don't want to go. We recently discussed in another video how expectations can lead to resentment. It’s crucial to allow them to make their own decisions, even if it's hard to watch. Whether it's about career choices or other significant life decisions, they need the freedom to choose their path. Remember, not every decision will be perfect, but it’s part of their growth process.

Encouraging Individual Growth

When free from the burden of parental expectations, children can develop in more meaningful ways. Personal growth isn't just about jobs and colleges; it extends to all areas of life. By making decisions for them or imposing our judgments, we create a snowball effect of resentment that impacts everything.

Emphasizing Values Over Achievements

It's important to focus on instilling good values in your children rather than achieving specific outcomes. Values like integrity, empathy, honesty, and resilience are crucial for their development. Support them in these areas and let them know they are capable of achieving anything they set their mind to. This doesn’t mean supporting negative choices, but rather providing guidance without imposing control.

I hope these insights help you navigate your expectations for your adult children. I would love to hear from you: what expectations were placed on you, and what expectations have you placed on your children that you wish you hadn’t? How has this discussion influenced your perspective? God bless.