NOVEMBER 29, 2023
How to say 'No' gracefully
Learning to say ‘No’ is a superpower (in life and business).
Not because you want to say 'No' to everything.
But because you want to become intentional and selective with your 'Yes'.
Why?
We all have limited time.
And there will always be more demands on our time than we can reasonably cater to without neglecting ourselves and burning out.
(especially around this time of the year – family dinners and work Christmas parties, anyone?)
In my experience, there are two factors that make saying ‘No’ so difficult:
Let’s dive in 👇
Learn the 'No' superpower
Set priorities
Look, there’s just no way around it.
When you’re clear on what (and whom) you want to say yes to, it becomes easier to say no to other things. Ask yourself:
Delay the yes
Okay, this isn’t technically saying no – it’s helping you be more intentional with your response.
Instead of impulsively defaulting to ‘Yes’, simply don't give an immediate Yes/No answer and create a buffer for more thoughtful decision-making.
By delaying your response, you give yourself the gift of time – to assess your availability and your true desire to participate.
The phrase “Let me get back to you” is your best friend.
Lead with appreciation
...instead of an apology.
Sometimes we apologize not because we’ve done anything wrong, but because we think the other person will be displeased. Appreciation can be far more effective.
There’s a difference between “Sorry, I can’t help you with that.” and “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t help you with that.”
Offer alternatives
Compared to a flat ’No’ (which is also totally okay), providing an alternative can often feel better. It shows you've considered their request and value the connection.
Offer an alternative time, activity, way of contact etc. that is genuinely feasible for you.
It should feel like a win-win, not just a way to appease the other party.
Example: “I can’t make it to the party this weekend. How about we catch up over coffee next week?”
Communicate your boundaries
Sometimes saying 'No' is about (re)inforcing your boundaries. It's important to do so respectfully and clearly.
There is no one-size-fits-all for this, but here’s a framework that will help:
"I feel _____________ (actual feelings, not thoughts)
when you _______________ (specific and non-blaming description of observed behavior)
because ________________ (how this affects you).
Are you willing to / In the future could you please / I would appreciate if you ____________________ (what you want them to do instead)."
Boundaries are far more complex than a template, but the truth is that if you don’t communicate them, no one can respect them.
As we wrap this up, remember this:
Saying ‘No’ isn’t just about protecting your time, it’s about honoring your values and goals.
Every 'No' could be a 'Yes' to something else – something that truly matters to you.
Some people might not like it when you tell them 'No' – especially if they’re used to getting a 'Yes'.
That’s okay.
You're not responsible for everyone's happiness, but you are responsible for your own well-being and fulfillment.
Rooting for you,
Charlotte
P.S. 🤓 If you find boundaries particularly challenging at work, check out this post I shared a while back.
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