When we ponder on our family lives, we might sometimes find ourselves drawn to the “happier moments” – weddings, birth of new family members, celebration of anniversaries, just to name a few. While these are indeed moments worth celebrating in their own right, we must never forget that at times, our family lives will comprise of moments of grief, loss, and sorrow.

Pope Francis ponders on the pain of loss in Amoris Laetitia, sharing “Jesus himself was deeply moved and began to weep at the death of a friend. And how can we even begin to understand the grief of parents who have lost a child? It is as if time stops altogether: a chasm opens to engulf both past and future.” (Amoris Laetitia 254).

How can Christians continue to hold hope for, and walk with one another to encounter God in the midst of grief and loss? Three parents share their stories.

Communion in Grief

Im experienced a season of grief when her son, Gabriel, passed away two years ago. She recalls, “My Spiritual Director recommended that I join the community at Pieta Singapore. I did so because two days before Gabriel's passing, I was led to the Pieta prayer cave, which was at the end of the high station of the cross in Lourdes, France.”

Coming from Malaysia, Im dials in every fourth Tuesday of the month to pray with the Pieta community. In praying with the community, she shares, “It allows me to look inwardly, listening to their sharing. They have given me a barometer and help in my discernment into God's whereabouts; when my son, Gabriel needed Him and when I, Im, needed Him. I have moved on. I can share his death without bawling my eyes out. I resolve that Gabriel’s death will not be in vain. I am reaching out to help others, to let them know it’s okay not to be okay. We hear you; you can always talk to us, there is no need to suffer alone.”

Finding God Amidst Grief

Such moments of grief also invite us to seek the healing touch of God. Elaine, mother of Zen Dylan Koh, shares her story:

“I lost my older son, Zen, tragically to suicide almost 3 years ago while he was studying in Melbourne just 1 month before he turned 18 and 2 months before he graduated from his Foundation Studies.

I was introduced to Pieta through another suicide-bereaved father whom I reached out to for help in the early days of my loss. I was desperate for help in order not to spiral down to darkness. At that point in time, I was agnostic and was not baptized as a Catholic yet. It was only when I got baptized last year that I found Pieta very helpful in my grief journey. 

The community of bereaved parents regardless of the circumstances of their loss and the sharing of our faith gave me a lot of comfort and peace. Through the sharing of hope, my faith strengthened and the more my faith grew, the more I want to pay it forward by sharing my own journey to encourage those who are despondent.”

A painting given to Elaine’s family to comfort them, depicting Jesus in the center of their lives.

(Photo Credits: Pieta Singapore)

Celebrating their Gift of Love

While Pieta does see the grief of parents who have lost their children, they also celebrate the joy that they have brought to their families through their lives. One highlight of Pieta’s calendar is the annual memorial mass held in November, just after All Soul’s Day. This memorial mass celebrates the lives of the children dearly missed by their families and amplifies God’s promise that parents will one day be reunited with them in His heavenly kingdom. Parents participate in the mass by decorating tealight holders with their child’s name which are then lit before mass. Photographs of their children are also collected and presented as a remembrance collage in thanksgiving. Audrey shares her experience:

“The memorial mass had always been a beautiful and healing experience for me. It was deeply special to have my children mentioned by name and prayed over. The mass was memorable, with Father's deeply comforting homilies, Corrinne May and her choir singing like angels, the para-liturgy of the blessing of the tealight holder for each child and the sight of all the tealights alight and alive!

I was also comforted by the huge community turnout of bereaved families and well-wishers. I am not alone in this journey!”

Tealight holders decorated by parents at Pieta’s Memorial Mass in 2018.
(Photo Credits: Pieta Singapore)

Encountering God amidst Grief

While moments of grief and loss are one of the many challenges that a family might experience, it is also in these moments where we are invited to embrace one another, and the promises of God’s eternal presence, all the more. Good Shepherd Sister Elizabeth Lim, Spiritual Director of Pieta Singapore, shares, “God's truth is simple - Love prevails, and the love we share with our beloved is forever and transcends time and space. It's the same with God's eternal love for us. God's promise is everlasting because God cannot betray Godself! Our faith in God unites us in life as in death and each of us knows God's time is not our time! So be thankful at all times for God's promises will be fulfilled to overflowing.”

Monsignor Ambrose Vaz, Spiritual Director of Catholic Family Life, ends with an invitation for us all: “Family Life is often full of twists and turns. Much like the stories shared by Pieta Singapore, sometimes life takes us down an unexpected road. Yet, it is in bravely walking these roads together as a family that we can all partake in the joy of love, regardless of what comes our way. As one body in Christ, let us continue to bring the love of Christ to one another, beginning with our very own families!”

Contributor:

Contributed by Pieta Singapore, an affiliate of Catholic Family Life. Pieta is a community of bereaved parents uniting in faith and providing support to seek God's comfort, hope and wisdom on their healing journey. To learn more about them, visit their website here: https://www.pietasingapore.org/.

Visit them at their Facebook page for reflections, articles and sharing here: https://m.facebook.com/PietaSingapore/