From Fear to Fuel: Mastering the 'I Like, I Wish, I Wonder' Framework
Feedback. It's a word that can strike fear into the hearts of even the most seasoned leaders. As women navigating the male-dominated industries, we know that feedback conversations can be particularly fraught with challenges. But what if there was a way to transform these interactions into opportunities for growth, understanding, and connection?
Enter the "I Like, I Wish, I Wonder" approach. It's a simple yet powerful framework that I've seen transform countless feedback conversations, both in my own leadership journey and with the clients I coach.
Why Feedback Matters (And Why We Often Avoid It)
Feedback is essential for growth. It provides valuable insights, highlights areas for improvement, and helps us reach our full potential. Yet, studies show that most managers shy away from giving feedback, fearing negative reactions. This reluctance often stems from past experiences where feedback felt like a personal attack rather than a constructive tool.
The truth is, feedback is only as effective as the relationship in which it's delivered. When trust and mutual respect are present, feedback is more likely to become a catalyst for positive change.
Reframing Feedback: The "I Like, I Wish, I Wonder" Approach
The "I Like, I Wish, I Wonder" approach offers a structured way to deliver balanced feedback that focuses on performance and behaviour, not personality. It avoids the dreaded "feedback sandwich" (which often feels more like a s#@t sandwich if not done with mastery) and encourages a collaborative conversation.
How it works:
"I Like..." Start by acknowledging something specific the person is doing well. This sets a positive tone and shows appreciation for their efforts.
"I Wish..." Express a desire for improvement or change, focusing on concrete behaviours or actions.
"I Wonder..." Pose a thought-provoking question that encourages reflection and exploration of possibilities.
Practical Examples: Breakdown and Integration
Let's break down the components and then see how they flow together:
"I Like..." Examples:
"I Wish..." Examples:
"I wish you would submit your reports by the deadline more consistently."
"I wish you would speak up more often in team meetings."
"I wish you would delegate some of your workload to empower your team members."
"I Wonder..." Examples:
"I wonder what strategies we could implement to help you meet those deadlines?"
"I wonder if there's anything preventing you from feeling comfortable sharing your ideas in meetings?"
"I wonder how delegating some tasks might free up your time for more strategic work?"
Putting it all together:
Scenario 1: Addressing Missed Deadlines
"Sarah, I really appreciate your creative approach to problem-solving on this project. However, I've noticed that you've missed a few deadlines recently, and I'm concerned that this might impact our overall timeline. I wonder if there's anything you can do differently to meet those deadlines more consistently."
Scenario 2: Encouraging Collaboration
"Sally, I'm consistently impressed by the quality and thoroughness of your work. However, I wish you would share your insights more proactively with the team. I wonder what kind of positive impact your unique perspective could have if you were to contribute your ideas earlier in our discussions."
Additional Tips for Effective Feedback
Preparation is key: While spontaneous feedback is sometimes necessary, preparation is crucial for impactful conversations. Gather specific examples, data, or observations to support your points. Each well-prepared feedback session strengthens your ability to deliver impromptu feedback with clarity and confidence.
Focus on behaviour, not personality: Avoid generalizations or labels that can feel like personal attacks.
"I like your enthusiasm and willingness to take initiative. I wish I saw more consistent follow-through on tasks and projects. I wonder if there's anything we can do to help you stay focused and on track."
Coaching Questions for Deeper Reflection
Remember, feedback is a gift – an opportunity for connection and collaboration. By embracing the "I Like, I Wish, I Wonder" approach, you can transform potentially challenging conversations into moments of shared learning and empowerment.
Now that you've found this article valuable, I encourage you to take the next step in mastering your leadership communication. Dive deeper into the art of navigating tough conversations by checking out my blog post: Tough Conversations: A Master Coach's Guide for Female Leaders to Level Up Their Impact
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
JO WISE
Master Certified Coach with the ICF who is dedicated to elevating female leaders to new heights. A woman who lives life boldly, loves adventure, and finds joy in the simple things. She's a surfer, gardener, hiker, partner, and proud mum of one teen and 3 chickens.
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