If you’re here, I’m guessing you’ve spent some time on your own—and you don’t want to be. You’ve probably tried a range of strategies. Maybe you tried dipping your toe into the strange waters of online dating. You wouldn’t be the only one—Match's parent company reported a rise of 15% in new users during 2020. Or maybe you took the plunge and went speed dating. Perhaps you’ve asked friends to set you up with people. You’ve read the guides with titles like “how to get the guy” and you’re uneasy with their people-pleasing tactics.

But the question remains. How do you get the guy—and keep him? Is there a magical formula that everyone else knows but you? Does the secret lie in one more Instagram post? If you just try one more dating script, will you find the mystical cheat code that takes you to your ‘happy ever after’?

It’s not that complicated. There are three simple steps you need to follow—and none of them involves being fake, pretending to be someone else, or using someone else’s chat-up lines.

Let’s check out what those steps are.

1. Be Yourself

This step is incredibly simple, but it’s also where most women go wrong. They buy the scammy scripts or the cookie-cutter formulas that tell them what to say to get the guy. Or they work with people who insist they need to “embrace the Divine Feminine” and convince them they need to “unleash their inner goddess”.

Stop. Seriously.

Would you want a partner who put on an act to get your attention, but couldn’t sustain it long term? How would you feel if you discovered the guy you’d fallen for was a different person ‘in real life’? You’d feel cheated and betrayed. Yet that’s what these ‘foolproof’ formulas and scripts make you do.

Your best bet will always be to be yourself. If you meet a guy and he doesn’t seem interested, even if you are? That means he’s not the right one for you. Yes, it’s disappointing. But don’t waste your time pretending to be someone else just to get his attention. Every time a guy chooses someone else, be grateful. He’s choosing not to waste your time.

Embrace who you are—quirks and all. Own your accomplishments and achievements. Don’t dumb yourself down because you feel like success intimidates men. The right one won’t be.

If you love Disney movies and know all the words to every song? Then sing along with your head held high. Likewise, if your idea of fun is soaking up the culture in an art gallery before hitting the gift shop? Do it. There is only one of you on the planet, and you won’t get the guy by pretending to be like everyone else.

A Caveat

Does the thought of being yourself terrify you? Confuse you? Convince you you’re doomed to a life as a singleton? Don’t worry. Those reactions show you that you need to raise your self-worth. It’s difficult, but once you realise why you’re awesome as you are, it’s much easier to find a partner who agrees.

Raising your self-worth is much easier when you work with a coach. We focus on doing this within the 6-month Finding Love program so you’re in the best shape possible to meet the right partner for you. Click here to find out what other amazing skills you’ll learn.

2. Create a Life You’re Excited to Share

This step works hand-in-hand with step 1. We know that successful women can feel they’ve failed if they’ve ticked all the boxes except ‘relationship’. 

Consider this time on your own as your time. You’re not just killing time until you meet someone. Nor are you ‘wasting’ time because you’re single. I know, I know, it’s easy to let dating consume your spare time. But that won’t help you get the guy.

Instead, spend that time on creating a life you’re excited to share. That might mean working on your business. Perhaps you want to delve further into personal development and become a certified NLP practitioner. Maybe there are hobbies you’ve always wanted to try.

Write down five things you want to do in the next six months. This can be hard if you’ve never given much thought to what makes you happy. Think back to what you loved doing as a child. What things do you do that make you lose all track of time? Or look at your New Year’s resolutions for the last few years. What are the common themes?

Then do those. 

This step serves two functions. It helps you create a life that a partner will enjoy sharing with you. Don’t build your life based on this partner, but know that he’ll want to step into it when he arrives. This exercise also helps you to bring your focus back onto yourself. You’ll be able to identify your needs and what you enjoy. 

Being able to meet your own needs is a great way to build self-trust and resilience. It also means you can communicate them well when you meet the guy, so he knows what to do to make you happy. Remember, communication is one of the 4 C’s you need for a successful relationship.

3. Go Where Your Ideal Guy Is

This one might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many women overlook it. Think of it this way. If you want to buy a juicy, premium steak for dinner, would you go to a vegetarian store? No. You’d go to a trained butcher. Looking for a partner is the same—and it’s also why online dating can be so frustrating.

I always describe online dating as being like TK Maxx. Yes, you can find the occasional designer-label bargain, but you have to do a lot of rummaging to find it. Why not make life easier and go where your ideal guy would be? 

Before you start, check out our guide to making an ideal partner checklist. You need to know who you’re looking for before you know where to look. 

Come up with a list of places where your ideal guy spends his time. You may have to do this as if COVID isn’t a thing. Otherwise, think of places where he spends his time online. It’s harder to get chatting, but it’s not impossible.

Be realistic with your list and refer back to step 1—being yourself. If you think he’ll hang out in sports bars and you can’t stand sports, then don’t go there. Look for places where your interests intersect. Ideally, he’ll hang out where you want to go during step 2. If not, look for places you’d like to spend time where you think he’d be. If you don’t meet someone, you’ll still enjoy being there.

A Caveat

I won’t say “Then go there” and leave it at that. It might feel awkward or unsafe to go to places alone. Lone women hanging out in bars alone might give the wrong impression. So if that’s a consideration, rope in a friend or two to go with you. Again, COVID might dictate what you can and can’t do, but the pandemic won’t last forever.

That’s How to Get the Guy

There you have it! Follow these three simple steps, without being fake or pretending to be someone else, to get your ideal guy. Focus on being yourself, building a life you’re excited to share, and go where he spends time. 

Of course, there’s more to having a relationship than just getting the guy. 

If you’d like to learn how to get the guy and have a loving relationship within six months, we’ve got you covered. Click here to sign up for our free training where you'll learn our 5-step Longevity Framework on 29 November at 7 pm GMT.

We’ll see you there!