Research shows that around 60% of people make New Year's resolutions, but only 8% achieve them. That's a poor conversion rate, and much of it is down to the fact that we set resolutions we can't keep.

Look at exercise. People claim they're going to go to the gym 5 days a week. Then they go twice, get distracted by reality, and the resolution bites the dust.

The trick is to make sure your resolutions are realistic. Don't put pressure on yourself and then feel bad that you haven't hit your goals. 

This is especially important when we're making a New Year's resolution to find real love. You don't want to resolve to get married in September if you haven't been on a date in eight years! But you can make a good resolution—and keep it—if you follow the right process.

So let's look at three things you need to do before you create a New Year's resolution to find real love. Then we'll look at some good romantic resolutions!

1. Resolve Hurt From the Past

That might mean overcoming pain from past breakups or even childhood trauma. Whatever pain you need to resolve, do it. 

First, it's unpleasant for you and you're not gaining anything by carrying the pain around with you. Second, this'll make sure you're ready to meet the right one. 47% of us set resolutions to improve fitness. Why wouldn't this apply to our mental health too?

Root out any fears about love and relationships before you date. You want to work through them before you meet someone, not during your relationship. After all, you don't want him working out his trauma through you, so don't do it to him!

2. Figure What Kind of Relationship You Even Want

If you've ever used online dating apps, you'll know many users don't know what they're looking for. Some are bold enough to say so in their profile. Others wait until you've been getting on well to admit they're not sure what they want. 

Don't be that person.

Decide if you want to date around a bit, start a long-term serious relationship, get married, or start a family. Knowing this in advance can help you look in the right places. It also means you weed out anyone who doesn't want the same thing as you.

Also, don't be that person who thinks they can change someone's mind about what they want. If you want a serious relationship and a cute guy wants a friend with benefits? Move on. You're not in the same place.

3. Plan to Do Something Different 

Let's be honest, it's easy to fall into a dating rut. You rely on the same websites or apps. You haven't updated your profile photos in 18 months. And you haven't looked at your app settings since you first set up your account. If you don't use apps, you might go to the same places and hope to spot someone new among the same faces.

Switch things up a bit! Change your photos and refresh your bio. Check that the age range you're looking at is still right for you. Maybe try different apps or websites from the ones you rely on. Between 2015 and 2019, 32% of relationships began online. Apps still offer opportunities to meet interesting people.

Better yet, don't just rely on apps. We know it's difficult to date right now thanks to COVID restrictions. But they won't last forever. Start planning ways to meet the right one that don't involve swiping. Think of fun places you can go or classes you might try that can help you meet like-minded people. Consider matchmaking for an original approach.

Even better, switch up the places you suggest for first dates. Think differently for 2021!

What is a Good New Year's Resolution to Find Real Love?

We've talked so far about your approach to dating. Figure out what you want, heal your past trauma, and try something different. So what makes a good New Year's resolution to find real love? We suggest keeping it simple and achievable. Make your dating resolutions something you can stick to. They're not rules, they're guidelines—so you can change them as you need to.

Resolution #1 - Ditch the Dating Rules 

There are a lot of dating rules still doing the rounds. Don't text back too quickly or you'll look desperate. Go on a second date, even if you don't want to. Meet people you don't find attractive on the apps because it's better than nothing. Don't sleep with them too soon. You can't date someone who's X years older/younger than you. Etc etc.

The only dating rules you need to have are the ones you create yourself. They're your non-negotiables and you have them for a reason. For example, if you want a family, then having a rule that you won't date men who don't want a family makes sense. It keeps you from wasting your time—and theirs—in the hope they might change their mind.

Resolution #2 - Ignore Most Dating Advice

Most dating advice is well meant, but usually meaningless. We won’t bore you with all the cliches. They're unhelpful if you're struggling to meet the right one.

Dating advice is often also specific to the person giving it. What worked for them won't always work for you. So before you accept dating advice, ask this simple question. Does the person giving it have the kind of relationship you want?

If yes, keep listening. If not, say 'thank you' and then ignore it. You wouldn't take business advice from someone who'd gone bankrupt four times. So why would you take dating advice from people who don't have what you're looking for?

Resolution #3 - Approach More People First

For most of us, the idea of approaching people we don't know is terrifying. That's why we use apps, where we can hide behind a screen. If the person ignores our message, it's annoying. But it's not embarrassing. That's much harder to avoid in person.

But we're missing a trick if we keep expecting the other person to do all the work. Put it this way. Say you're a guy and you've been eyeing up a woman. You want to go over, but you're tired of being knocked back. Then she comes over to you! How awesome would that make you feel? 

Doing this helps boost his confidence, which makes him feel more positive about you. It also makes you look more confident and self-assured. Both are super attractive traits. Don't forget, few people do this, so if you do, you're instantly memorable.

Worried about rejection? This is why behavioural profiling is such a fantastic skill to learn. You'll know whether he's interested before you approach him. That means you'll only ever approach people you know want to talk to you! 

Love With Intelligence is the only dating company licensed to train you in behavioural profiling. Those are the same skills used by the military to keep operatives alive. Now you can do the same with your love life. No more mediocre dates or ghosting for you, my love!

Try These Resolutions on for Size

If you want 2021 to be your year, any of these three would make a good New Year's resolution to find real love. Remember, it’s important that you’re the best version of yourself before you look. Then the sky is the limit!

But we know it doesn’t always feel that simple. So we want to help. Book a Love Blueprint Strategy call to find out where to start. We’ll look at where you are now, where you want to be, and how we can help you get there.