Meet Amanda ...
Someone once told me the longest journey you will ever take is from your head to your heart. At the time I did not understand this but now, 15 years on, I can say this is so right, once you can be in your heart and not your head life becomes so much easier.
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The passing of my parents was the hardest thing I have been through. As I write these words I want to cry even now. I was so lost for so long, my mum and dad were my rock. I thought they would always be there.
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I decided to take myself off to a healing retreat all alone. I had never experienced anything like this before. All of a sudden I was leaving my son, daughter and brother behind. Little did I know I would come back a different person.
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As I drove up the M25 with no thoughts in my head, not knowing where I was going, I stopped the car and thought "what am I doing?". I started to cry and as I sat in my car I surrendered. It was then I could feel my mum and dad right there in my car with me. It was the most surreal feeling of my life.
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My dad was against spirits/ghosts and talk of the universe, so I was very surprised to be feeling his presence next to me. I could not hear him talk to me, but it is so hard to explain how I felt at that moment.
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Before I knew it, I was back on the road driving towards the retreat again. Once I finally arrived I realised that I did not know a soul, but they were all so lovely with all sorts of different lives. I didn’t really know what I was doing there as some of the people there were even more lost than me.
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I could really write a book on my experience there alone but I will tell you one part which to this day still sticks in my mind.
We were all asked "do you want to find a part of you that you have never met before and release some stuff from your past that is holding you back?. To be able to do this you must have an open mind!". At the time I thought "an open mind? What is this guy talking about?". So I got very fearful and thought "no, not for me" so I stayed in the background, away from the group.
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As I looked out of the window, I saw the whole group walking down towards a barn. I felt a very warm hand on my shoulder. I said "I don’t think I can do this sort of thing". A voice said "you will be fine!". It was a very soft voice. As I turned around, I realised there was nobody there. I thought ‘how strange perhaps that person left too!’. I jumped up and ran out to catch up with the others in the group. I said, "you will have to help me I have never done anything like this before!".
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We all stood in this little room. There were about 15 of us, some strange music started to play which I had never heard before. Then I remembered before I left for my trip there was a funny programme on TV where all these people started dancing and waving their arms around. My family and I were all laughing, and they said "this is going to be you mum on your retreat!".
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But oh my gosh, if my family could see me now, I could not stop laughing. I was waving my arms around, just letting myself go like I had never done before. It felt really good and as the man started to talk he was saying some mantras which I have now started to understand. People began to cry and fall to the ground in tears. I nearly laughed. I thought what are they doing? The teacher would go to the side and help them with the problem that was coming up. I just carried on dancing it felt nice. Then the teacher came over and said "you must open your mind to meet yourself". So I concentrated more then, all of a sudden, I felt really strange, the hand on my shoulder I had felt previously was there again. I started to cry. I was taken back, in my mind, to a time when I was heartbroken by someone.
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The tears would not stop coming, the teacher appeared like magic to help and guide me through what was happening. I fell to the ground, she just sat with me rubbing my back. It felt so lovely. I had never experienced anything like it before.
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So, this was the beginning of my awakening which is another word I had no idea what that meant but I sure do now. I then went on a quest to find out more and more about my experience and I can't wait to share more with you when I meet you.
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