A study by Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld showed people are more likely to find a relationship through online dating. It’s more successful than meeting through family or friends.

It also doesn’t make it easy to meet someone through online dating. You’ve got people who treat Tinder like a game, collecting matches the way they’d collect Pokemon. Then you’ve got those who are already in relationships but use online dating for an ego boost. Building a connection with someone you’ve never met feels like an uphill battle.

The COVID-19 pandemic has shown it’s also difficult to meet new partners in person. With bars, clubs, and other social spots closed, online dating can offer the only solution.

So how can you find success using online dating? Check out our five steps and find out!

1. Create an Awesome Profile

It’s tempting to create a generic profile to get as many matches as possible. But remember, your dating profile doesn’t just need to draw the right one in. It also needs to put the wrong one off!

You can use your profile to filter men out. Say you keep dating men who don’t like successful women. Too many men in the past have tried to put down your achievements. Or they complain about how “busy” you are (this is usually code for “Insecurity”).

Put these men off by putting your interests on your profile. If you’re a company founder, own it. Add it to your profile! (For safety sake, it’s okay if you don’t name the company). 

Women often play down their achievements so they don’t seem intimidating. If you don’t get many matches, it can feel even more important that you don’t give men the chance to reject you too early.

But think of it this way. If he’s going to moan that you have “too many interests” in a first message, is he going to accept them after a few dates?

Exactly. Putting them off early is a good way to weed out the wrong ones. It also means you become a lot more visible to the right one.

Ditch the cliches, like “I like staying in with a bottle of wine but I also like going out.” Let people see your personality in your profile. What are you into? What lights you up? And what are you looking for?

Add recent photos. At least one full-length photo is good. If you can, pick photos that show you doing an activity, rather than just selfies. Avoid Snapchat filters on the photos. And don’t put up photos with your kids, if you have them.

2. Get Specific About What You're Looking For

It’s tempting to match with everyone to give you a wider pool of people to talk to. But you’re looking for a committed relationship, not just someone to pass the time with.

Get clear and specific about who and what you’re looking for. I don’t mean that you should have a super picky list, but at least get the non-negotiables clear. What’s your ideal age range? And location? Do you have any dealbreakers? Phrases like “Don’t have any psycho ex’s” or “Just looking to see what’s out there” might be an instant turn-off for you.

Once you have this list, you can be more intentional about who you swipe right on. If you’re on a profile-based website like Plenty of Fish or OkCupid, use your list to see if you want to reply to people.

For example, you might be allergic to cats. There’s no point matching with a cat owner! Use your judgment on how strict you want these criteria to be. But don’t match with someone who doesn’t tick the right boxes in the hope they’ll change later. Match with them based on what’s on their profile now.

Check out our guide to making a partner profile for better success using online dating.

3. Don't Get Hung up on Particular People You Talk to Too Early

You’ve got a great profile, you’ve started swiping, and you’re getting matches. Great! But it’s tempting to get hung up on people if the conversation goes well.

This is a quick way to end up disappointed if they ghost you, or you meet them and they don’t live up to expectations. Yes, you want to be excited by the people you talk to. But you also need to keep an open mind—especially if you haven’t met them yet.

Use your conversations to gauge their interest but also get to know them. Don’t feel you need to be all-singing and all-dancing to impress them. Remember they also need to impress you. 

Another good way to filter people is to get them onto a video call as soon as you can. That way, you can see and hear them in ‘real-time’. This gives you more information to work with. It also lets you gauge if there’s likely to be any in-person chemistry there.

4. Have Boundaries

Having boundaries is another way to ask the question, “What behaviours will you tolerate?” Women rarely like to set or maintain boundaries for fear of seeming mean or high-maintenance. You may encounter men online who become manipulative if you set a boundary. Some men disguise abuse as “banter”. They’ll tell you you take things too seriously if you push back against unacceptable behaviour. Unmatch with them at this point!

Remember, the only people who will complain about a boundary are the ones who benefit from you not having any.

Plan what you’ll do if he asks personal questions. What will you say if he seems to fish for personal details? Are you comfortable with having explicit conversations with strangers? Does he press you to meet up too quickly? 

Know your boundaries and stick to them. The right one will happily work within them!

5. Stay Safe and Know Who You're Talking To

Finally, we have to address the elephant in the room. Online dating isn’t as safe as space as we’d like it to be. On one hand, you’ve got the catfish trying to scam you. On the other, you’ve got dangerous individuals. Don’t think the platforms will keep you safe—they can’t and won’t stop sex offenders using them.

This is where behavioural profiling becomes your secret weapon. You can read the clues in plain sight on every profile your see—even if he hasn’t written anything! There will be plenty to spot in his photos. And if he doesn’t have any photos, that’s an even bigger clue.

It’s also why getting them onto a video call early is such a great tactic. You’ll learn so much through his body language and vocal patterns. You’ll be able to spot if he’s likely to be manipulative. And you’ll be able to tell if he’s interested.

Behavioural profiling is the game-changer that will save you time and keep you safe on your online dating adventure. Love With Intelligence is the only dating company that can teach you what you need to know about reading people online. Best of all, we’re offering you the benefit of $30 million of government-funded research into behavioural profiling!

Have Success Using Online Dating

Now you know our 5-step approach to having success using online dating. Get your profile right first and then know what you’re looking for before you browse. Once you do, don’t get too attached to your matches until you get the chance to meet them! 

I can’t stress enough what a difference behavioural profiling makes to online dating. Seeing the truth of a person makes it easy to skip the people who won’t make you happy. It also means you can invest your time and energy on those who deserve it.

Would you like to learn this new superpower yourself? It comes as standard with our love and dating coaching. Book a Love Blueprint call with us and we’ll see where you’re at, and where we can help you to go!