Has your adult child gone no contact? Are you feeling lost and overwhelmed, unsure of where to turn or how to handle this situation? You are not alone, and I promise you that. The first thing you need to do is stop, breathe, and be still for a moment. This isn't something that can be fixed in a day. There are various reasons why our adult children choose to go no contact, and today I want to talk about four tips to help you navigate this challenging season, regardless of its duration.

Some of you may get through this quickly due to misunderstandings, while others might find themselves on this journey for a while. No matter how long it lasts, one thing remains constant: we need to learn and grow through this trial, just as our children do.

Here are a few tips to help you navigate this difficult time:

1. Build a Robust Support System

In the initial stages of navigating this season, your support system might include your spouse, parents, siblings, or best friends. However, you will quickly learn that everyone has an opinion, and not all of them will be helpful. You need to be selective about who you let into your inner circle during this time. Negativity and doubt are not what you need right now.

Consider joining a support group specifically for parents of estranged children. These groups provide a safe space to share your experiences and learn from others facing similar challenges.

As many of you know, I have a group coaching program (Grit & Grace), and when you're ready to do the work, we can talk about it. But for now, I just want you to find support, whether it’s through coaching, therapy, or a support group. Do not go through this alone.

2. Don't Let Resentment Win

Resentment can easily take root when you're feeling hurt and abandoned by your child. But letting resentment win will only hinder any future relationship. It's normal to feel anger and bitterness, but it's important to not let those feelings dictate your actions.

You might feel resentful if your child pulls back without clearly stating their intentions. However, responding with resentment will only push them further away. Instead, try to keep communication open and loving, without pressure. This approach shows that you’re willing to have a discussion whenever they are ready.

3. Don't Feed the Anger

Anger is a natural part of the grief cycle, and it’s normal to feel angry or betrayed. However, acting on these emotions can further damage the possibility of mending the relationship. Channel your anger constructively through activities like exercise or spending time outdoors.

Avoid reaching out to your child when you’re feeling particularly hurt or angry. These emotions can spill over into your interactions and cause more harm. Focus on expressing love and openness, and avoid letting negative emotions dictate your actions.

4. Focus on Yourself, Not Your Child

It's natural to feel consumed by the desire to fix the relationship with your child. However, focusing solely on them and neglecting your own needs can prevent you from living a fulfilling life. Take time to address your own pain, hurt, and past issues. Investing in your own well-being is crucial.

You can't pour from an empty cup. If you're not taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to respond positively when given the opportunity to reconcile. Your physical and mental health can suffer if you neglect self-care. Focus on filling your own cup, so you can give from a place of strength and stability.

Navigating the pain of estrangement is a difficult journey, but you don't have to go through it alone. Build a robust support system, avoid letting resentment and anger take control, and focus on your own well-being. By doing so, you'll be better equipped to handle this challenging season and prepare for the possibility of reconciliation.