Why you stop listening to your co-founder 

In the beginning of a good partnership, listening is easy. Everything seems new and exciting and co-founders are happy to support each other in a common objective. However, the closer you get and the longer you work together, the more likely you are to stop hearing each other. Your brain is constantly looking for opportunities to be more efficient, so it will prioritize new learning over something that can be perceived as already learned. 

For example, think about when you first learned to drive. You had to pay attention to every detail, every movement, every instrument. Supreme focus was essential. But what happens now when you jump into the car? Sure you still have to pay attention a little, but most of your actions are automatic - you already know how to drive. 

Take yourself off auto-pilot

Now think about the same situation when it comes to listening to your co-founder. How much of your listening process has become automatic? The better we know our co-founders the better chance we are affected by the Closeness-Communication Bias. This theory indicates that we overestimate the effectiveness of our communication with those who know us well, and at the same time allow our own perspective, or sense of knowing, to get in the way of listening.

When co-founders know each other well, communication and listening can be easily thwarted. Past experiences often cloud the present and impact one’s ability to listen with an open mind. One founder may think that they know what the other is going to say before they say it and often expect their partner to know how they feel without expressing it. Conversations get off on the wrong foot and each founder is easily triggered.

What begins as a simple conversation, an attempt to share an experience or idea, can turn into an argument and conflict – pushing each partner further apart and making it less likely that founders communicate about important issues in the future. 

Keep things fresh

As a listener, try taking on the Zen concept of beginner’s mind - to stay open-minded and clear-minded. Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki outlines, in the book Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, the framework behind beginner’s mind, "in the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few." According to Jack Kornfield, founder of Spirit Rock Center in Woodacre, CA, “Through beginner’s mind we learn to see one another mindfully, free from views. Without views, we listen more deeply and see more clearly.” 

Try applying this practice to the way that you listen to your co-founder. If you expect to be surprised and learn something new, you can listen with a refreshed sense of curiosity that will naturally foster better engagement and inquiry that can support your co-founder in developing new ideas that can benefit the company.