If you're a mom who’s laid awake at night, tears streaming down your face, wondering if healing is even possible for your relationship with your estranged adult child, this message is for you. Estrangement is one of the most painful experiences any mother can go through, but I want to remind you that where there's love and faith, there's always hope. And today, I want to share four powerful steps to help you heal and create space for reconciliation.

1. Healing Starts with You

The first step toward reconciliation begins within. You might be thinking that the road to healing will only begin when your child reaches out, but that’s not true. Reconciliation starts with you. What are you doing to heal from your own pain, anger, and hopelessness? Emotional wounds and unhealthy patterns need attention first, and they can often be healed by surrendering to God and trusting Him to guide you through this process.

When you focus on your own healing, you’re also creating an atmosphere that allows for healing in your relationship with your child. Yes, the road to reconciliation can feel unclear, but know that the work you're doing on yourself is laying the foundation for a stronger, more peaceful relationship.

2. Reconciliation Is a Journey, Not an Instant Fix

Many moms feel like one grand gesture or heartfelt conversation will suddenly heal everything. Unfortunately, reconciliation is not an overnight fix. In fact, it’s a journey—one that might take years or might involve setbacks, like taking five steps backward after making progress.

During this journey, it’s crucial to focus on your own well-being. Take care of your emotional, physical, and mental health. You must show up for yourself first. If you are a person of faith, lean into God's strength and guidance. Trust that He will give you the wisdom, patience, and courage you need to take this one step at a time. Whether it's respecting boundaries set by your child or sending a simple message just to say, "I love you," listen to your heart and know when it’s the right time to reach out.

3. Boundaries Build Bridges

Boundaries are often misunderstood. We think of them as barriers—walls that keep us apart. But in reality, boundaries are an opportunity to build trust and create a healthier dynamic in the relationship. When your child sets boundaries, it’s often because they are seeking healing or safety. While respecting those boundaries may be hard, doing so shows them that you love them enough to honor their needs.

Equally important is setting your own boundaries for self-protection. As much as you want to heal the relationship, you need to guard your heart and maintain your own well-being. Healthy boundaries don’t just protect you; they also demonstrate to your child that you are committed to rebuilding the relationship on a foundation of respect—not control or fear.

4. Silent Love Speaks Volumes

Reconciliation doesn’t always begin with a long conversation. Sometimes, it starts with small, consistent acts of love and care, even from a distance. When words are hard to find or the situation feels too fragile, it’s the quiet gestures that speak the loudest. Whether it’s sending a simple text, a heartfelt voice message, or even a card, these acts of love send a powerful message: “I love you, and I’m here, no matter what.”

These acts don’t need to be grand or detailed; they just need to communicate that your love is unconditional, even in the midst of pain. And remember, while you may not always be able to reach them physically, trust that God can reach them spiritually. Keep the porch light on, as one of my clients likes to say. Let them know the door to healing is always open.

Healing from estrangement is a challenging and emotional process, but it’s not impossible. Remember that God is not a respecter of persons, and what He’s done for others, He can do for you and your family. I’ve seen miraculous restorations happen in relationships I never thought would heal, and I believe it can happen for you too.

Take each step at your own pace. You are not alone in this. If you’re ready to take the next step in healing, reach out for support. It’s time to put yourself first and prioritize your own well-being and peace. Click the link below to schedule a discovery call with me. Let’s talk about how we can work together to create the space for healing and reconciliation in your life.

You are worthy of peace, and your relationship with your child is worth fighting for.