Frequently Asked Questions
Welcome to my FAQ page!
Here you'll find answers to some of the most common questions I receive from clients about my practice. I understand you may want further clarification, so if you don't find the Q&A's you need here, please contact me and I'd be happy to provide you with clear and concise answers to your queries so you can make an informed decision about setting up a consultation call.
What is coparenting?
Coparenting is a parenting arrangement where two or more adults work together to raise a child or children, even if they are not in a romantic relationship or living together. This can occur in various forms, such as divorced or separated parents, unmarried couples, same-sex couples, or grandparents raising their grandchildren. Coparenting involves both parents sharing the responsibilities and decision-making related to their child's upbringing. This includes everything from deciding on educational or medical choices, discipline, and daily care tasks like feeding, bathing, and bedtime routines. Successful coparenting requires good communication, cooperation, and compromise between co-parents, and a focus on the well-being and best interests of the child.
What is a Coparent Strategist® & Divorce Coach?
A coparent strategist® and divorce coach will help you focus on your coparenting relationship to ensure conflict is manageable (at a minimum if possible!) so your children can heal and move forward. Someone like me would help you develop and work towards a coparenting relationship and post-divorce life you want to ensure your kiddos don't just survive - but thrive. Having a strategy to manage a difficult situation that is ongoing will help create peace and wellbeing for your family to move forward.
Sometimes it's best to work with your coparent and at other times it's extremely helpful to work individually to navigate a tricky situation or very difficult ex. This kind of expert would also help you develop coparenting agreements that set the foundation and tone of the relationship while keeping your children front and center. If you are investing money, you should see a financial expert. It's not different with divorce. Relying on expert advice around how to keep peace, manage tension and communication, make agreements and develop structure - all serve to make sure your children thrive.
What is parallel parenting?
Parallel parenting is a coparenting approach used by divorced, separated or uncoupled parents to minimize conflicts and reduce communication between them while continuing to raise their children together. In parallel parenting, each parent takes responsibility for executing decisions made together (as much as possible) for their children during their own parenting time. The parents establish clear boundaries, agreements, communicate primarily through email or other non-personal means, and avoid direct communication or conflict with each other. This approach is often used when a collaborative coparenting approach is not feasible due to high levels of conflict, domestic violence, or other issues that make cooperation, compromise, and communication difficult. Parallel parenting allows each parent to have a meaningful relationship with their children while minimizing the potential for conflict between the parents. Sometimes itis the absolute best choice when parents cannot get along, have a toxic dynamic, and seem to have trouble moving forward.
What is parental autonomy?
Parental autonomy in a divorce refers to the ability of each parent to make independent decisions regarding their child's upbringing and well-being during their custodial time. In general, parental autonomy is considered important in that it allows for coparents to create agreements in the best interests of the child but also allows for real-time decision making as well as permitting different parenting styles. Often, parents 'parent' differently, whether married or divorced, and while a coparent couple may have parenting plan agreements, the style in which those agreements are executed can look a bit different. Consistency and structure are key for kiddos and teens, but sometimes parents do things a little differently. Basically, we cannot control our coparent and this idea allows for flexibility and attunement for children in different ways. However, it's important to note that parental autonomy is not absolute nor does it apply to making carte-blanch decisions around parenting plans or custodial agreements. Overall, parental autonomy is an important concept in divorce and custody cases, as it allows parents to make decisions for their child's best interests while respecting each other's rights and responsibilities as parents.
What is a coparenting plan & do I need it?
A coparenting plan is a written agreement between parents who are raising a child or children together, but who are not in a romantic relationship. The plan outlines the responsibilities and expectations of each parent regarding the child's care, custody, and schedule, as well as how they will communicate with each other and make important decisions about the child's upbringing. A coparenting plan is beneficial for parents who are no longer together but want to provide a stable and healthy environment for their child. It can help minimize conflict between the parents, provide consistency and predictability for the child, and establish clear guidelines for how the parents will work together to raise their child. If you are a parent who is no longer in a relationship with the other parent of your child, a coparenting plan can be a useful tool to ensure that you are both on the same page when it comes to raising your child. It can help you avoid misunderstandings, conflicts, and court battles in the future, and provide a solid foundation for a successful cooperating relationship.
And, yes. You need it. It can be detailed or vague - but it's good to have to keep conflict at a minimum and set expectations between coparents. Most states require it to finalize a divorce. However, EVERY state should!
What does 'best interest of the children' really mean?
The 'best interest of the child' refers to the principle that your primary concern in making decisions about your child(ren) is based on how it will impact the well-being of the child or children involved. Parents are expected to make decisions in accordance with this notion. When making decisions about your child(ren), you should take into account a number of factors, such as the child's age, physical and emotional health, educational needs, special needs, temperament, attachment style, and the relationship between the child and each parent. There is a certain amount of subjectivity in determining 'best interests' and that is why coparents should rely on coparenting specialists to help make the best agreements for your family.
Do you help with blending families?
Yes. I am well versed in blending families and introducing new partners. Blending families can be a challenging process, but there are several ways I can help you facilitate this kind of transition and promote as much harmony as possible within the new family dynamic. Developing even better communication, understanding all perspectives, and setting realistic expectations will be a very good start. Call me. I can help.
Difference between MFT & Divorce Coach?
A therapist and a divorce coach have different roles in the process of divorce. A therapist is a licensed mental health professional who can provide therapy and support for individuals who are experiencing emotional or psychological difficulties. In the context of divorce, a therapist can help clients process and cope with the emotional and mental health challenges and psychological losses that can arise during the divorce process. A divorce coach is a professional who helps individuals navigate the practical aspects of divorce, such as developing a parenting plan, communicating with an ex-partner, or managing legal documents. In addition, a divorce coach provides support and guidance to help clients make informed decisions, obtain clarity on what they need, keep parents focused on the kids, set realistic goals, and manage their emotions throughout the divorce process. While both a therapist and a divorce coach can provide valuable support during a divorce, their focus and approach are different. I am both and am happy to discuss this more to provide clarity on what you need.
Is learning strategic communication important?
Yes. YES. Yes. Learning to communicate strategically and effectively with your former spouse is extremely important in a coparenting relationship. Coparenting involves two parents who may have different parenting styles, beliefs, and values, and may even have personal conflicts with each other. Effective communication is essential to overcome these challenges and ensure that the children receive the best possible care and support. Strategic communication involves being intentional with your words and actions to achieve specific goals. In the context of coparenting with a difficult spouse, strategic communication can help you reduce conflict, focus on your kiddos, find common ground, and clarify expectations. I find the book, "BIFF," by Burns, Eddy, & Chaffin to be a great, quick read on how to write good communications with your coparent.
What if I'm high-conflict?
If you are in a high-conflict divorce, I want you to know it is going to be okay in time. It all depends on what is causing the high-conflict, but generally, time does lend perspective. The issue is that time can move very slowly and take forever with a relentless spouse or when two people can't compromise. Or even worse, when you're worried about your children and fighting for their wellbeing. No matter what the reason, it will be important to prioritize your own emotional and mental well-being.
1. Get support. A therapist, divorce coach, fantastic lawyer - all can help you navigate the high-conflict landscape, playing very different roles.
2. Focus on your children. Prioritize their well-being and work to create a stable and supportive environment for them.
3. Learn to communicate effectively. Leave emotions out of it, stay calm, and focus on the issue rather than a personal attack. (See above question!)
4. Practice self-care like you've never done before. Make sure to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Get sleep, eat well, exercise, and engage in activies that bring you joy! This isn't your forever. Keep moving forward.
I really want to make a plan fast and move forward.
Can your workshop really help me create a parenting plan?
Yes. Truly, all my services have something to offer and it depends on what you need. I have seen first hand how couples who are in low to moderate conflict can come together to build a plan that works for their family. Sometimes only one parent attends the class and then works out agreements outside of the class. I will provide lots of good information that will be developmentally appropriate, allowing you and your coparent to consider options that work for your family. There is also time for lots of Q&A. Having been in the field for over 20+ years, my plans and workshops have a higher level of detail and anticipate where coparents might go sideways. We also review the developmental needs of your kiddos. Some clients turn off their video or change their names for privacy. I'm fairly flexible and can work to accommodate what you need. Clients leave with a solid plan to incorporate into their MSA.
What is your fee?
You can find my pricing here.
Do you work outside of California?
Yes. I work all over the United States. I have worked internationally as well.
Contact me to discuss it further.
Who do you work with?
I work with coparents from all walks of life, regardless of their background and values. I treat all clients with respect and provide support and recommendations based on their unique questions and concerns having to do with their personal situation. Whether someone is from a particular culture, religion, race, or gender, open marriage, straight, gay, blended families - I approach each conversation without bias or preconceived notions and truly try and understand my clients. My clinical and coaching background will offer valuable advice that will help coparents navigate the road they are travelling on as well as plan for the journey ahead. I do not discriminate or judge people based on their beliefs or backgrounds, and I strive to ensure that all my clients receive the same level of service and attention. I just want to help people do it better and suffer less while doing it - especially your kids.
If you're coparenting, you need to think about your kids and what is in their best interest. In addition, no matter what kind of marriage or relationship you've had - focusing on a healthy coparenting relationship is key. Remember to hold that in mind.
Can you provide legal or financial advice?
No. It will be important to understand my scope as a coparenting specialist/divorce coach and the limitations of my services. When it comes to legal advice, it's crucial to understand that I am not a licensed attorney nor financial specialist and am not qualified to provide legal guidance or financial advice. It's simply outside my scope. I can provide guidance and resources, help you stay clear minded, focused, practical, and accountable throughout your divorce process. I also have a great deal of resources to ensure you can find the information you need. But when it comes to legal matters, I would recommend that you seek the advice of a qualified attorney and divorce financial analyst, if need be.
How can I reach you?
I offer a one-time, complimentary, 30 min consultation & we can go from there!
Molly helped us think through how to tell our kids all the way to building a parenting plan that has stayed with us for years. We still meet with her
when things pop up and are grateful she knows our family,
my ex-husband's and my dynamic, and can still offer
a tremendous amount of containment for us when we need it.
Coparenting Client