As a mom, one of the hardest things you may face is wondering whether your estranged adult child still loves you. The silence can be deafening. It can leave you questioning everything—your actions, their feelings, and even the love that once seemed so certain. But love doesn’t always look the way we expect it to, and silence doesn't necessarily mean that love is gone.

In my own journey with estrangement, I had many moments where I found myself asking, "Why don’t you love me?"—but all that did was push my daughter further away. If you can relate to these feelings, I want to share with you some insights and tips that can help you find hope and healing, even in the midst of silence.

1. Love Can Exist Even in Silence

First and foremost, understand that love can still be present even when your child isn't speaking to you. It’s easy to feel heartbroken, sad, and confused when your adult child isn’t engaging with you in the way you used to. Their decision to pull away may not be a reflection of their love for you—it may be more about their own internal struggles. They could be facing pain or issues that make it hard to connect with you right now.

You might not see or hear it, but that doesn’t mean the love isn’t there. It simply may look different than what you expect. Sometimes, their need for space is more about healing themselves than rejecting you.

2. Emotional Distance Doesn't Equal Rejection

Estrangement can often feel like a direct rejection of you as a person, but it’s important to understand that it might not be a rejection of you—it could be a way for your child to process their own pain. Many of our adult children are not fully processing what they're going through. Their emotional distance might be a coping mechanism or avoidance of the pain they feel, whether it’s related to the relationship or other life pressures.

You can’t control how they process their emotions, but you can acknowledge that this time apart might be a necessary part of their healing. And while they’re struggling, there’s nothing you can do to fix it for them. The hard truth is that their healing is on them, but your love and support—through patience and understanding—will still play a role when they’re ready.

3. Letting Go of Immediate Validation

One of the hardest things about estrangement is not receiving immediate validation from your child. You may reach out, hoping for a response, but it doesn’t come, and that can leave you feeling like your love is unreciprocated. But silence is not the same as the absence of love.

There were many times I reached out, wondering if my daughter still loved me, only to be met with silence. It didn’t make sense then, and it still doesn’t make complete sense now, but it’s important to understand that love can take different forms. Their silence may be temporary. They may need time to process their own emotions and grow. It’s not about your worth or your love—it’s about their journey.

4. Keep the Door Open

One of the most important things you can do is keep the door open for your child. Keep the "porch light on," as some of my clients say. This means showing consistent, non-intrusive gestures of love, without pressure. It’s easy to fall into the trap of bombarding your child with questions like, "Why don’t you love me?" or "What did I do wrong?" But these questions can inadvertently push them further away.

Instead, let them know that you love them and that you’re here when they’re ready. Don’t pressure them for a response or demand immediate communication. Their space may feel painful to you, but it’s a necessary part of the process for them. Giving them the freedom to come to you on their own terms is a sign of respect for their needs and feelings.

5. You Are Not Alone

Above all, remember that you are not alone in this. So many moms, just like you, are navigating the heartache of estrangement, and it can feel isolating. But your feelings are valid, and there’s a community of support available to you.

If you’ve been trying other methods and still feel stuck, I encourage you to reach out. Take that next step in caring for yourself so you can show up as the best version of yourself for your child—whenever they’re ready.

Estrangement is a painful and confusing journey, but it’s important to remember that silence does not equal the end of love. Your child’s journey is their own, and your love for them doesn’t disappear just because they’re not communicating. Keep loving yourself, keep the door open, and know that healing is possible—even when the silence feels deafening.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into your own healing process, don’t hesitate to book a discovery call. I’m here to help guide you through this challenging time.

Stay strong, mama. You are not alone.