Another year older today!

Over time, this word "old" seems to creep into our brains so gradually that we really don’t see the impact it has on our minds.  It can start with that first advertisement from the AARP. Mine came 18 years early when I turned 40.  I laughed about it, but like that constant drip-drip-drip of leaky water faucet, they began showing up on a regular basis.  I found myself yelling out loud at my mail… “I’M NOT THAT OLD”.  Over those 18 years, between 40 and 58, I had plenty of evidence to support the fact that I was getting old and I thought there was nothing I could do to change that. 

The evidence came from many places.  My kids acted like I was stupid, then later moved out on their own. I remember thinking many times that they didn’t need me anymore.  More confirmation of old came from new aches and pains in my body that had not been there before.  Life continued to support my thought of being old by having 8 grandchildren, hot flashes, an aging parent and the overwhelming grief of loved ones passing on. 

Still there was a part of me that always fights the norm and refuses to believe that the best part of my life has passed.  My real AH-HA moment came when I decided I wanted a definition of “old” and I looked it up in an online dictionary.   My new thought is, “This is BS, I’m not that old!”  The synonyms listed for "old" included aged, decrepit, fossil, broken down, debilitated, exhausted, geriatric, grizzled, impaired, senile and wasted.  Seriously?  I’m not any of these things, so why am I thinking I’m old? 

This set me up nicely to find proof that I’m not old at all.  I dared myself to start a new career, go back to school and start a business.  I further set out to physically challenge my body by losing weight and joining a CrossFit class.  No, I don’t do all the things perfectly, but I’m doing them.  I’m not fighting against the process of aging, nor do I freak out on my birthdays with a box of tissues and a quart of ice cream.  Instead, I let my beautiful gray hair grow out because I want to.  I take care of my body and mind.  I challenge myself to learn something new and useful every day.  I work harder on my relationships than I did when I was in my 20’s and 30’s.  This is a new time and it’s not old to be a CrossFit, rocking Linkin Park, Eagles & Imagine Dragons Grandma.  It’s not old to sport gray hair and feel confident about it.  I can even navigate through technology better than many people half my age.  Old is only a word.  No one can make you feel old, except for you. 

This girl doesn’t feel broken down, geriatric, impaired, decrepit or old.  I feel smart, excited, curious, bold, loved and inspired by this time in my life.  I can’t stop others from thinking or saying I’m old, but I can decide how I am going to think about it.  I can also decide how to live with purpose and meaning.  My plan is to live like I feel, a damn rock star! 

Kim Damon