Are you drowning in anger towards your estranged adult child and struggling to find a way forward? If so, you’re not alone. Estrangement brings a storm of emotions, and anger often rises to the surface. But here’s the thing—anger is rarely just about the situation at hand.

Think about this: You’re driving, and someone cuts you off. You feel an instant surge of anger. But is it really about that driver? Or is it the stress from your day, the frustration from an earlier conversation, or something deeper that’s bubbling up?

Anger is a surface emotion. Beneath it often lies sadness, disappointment, or even helplessness. The key to finding peace is to understand where that anger is coming from and how to process it in a healthy way. Let’s explore four essential steps to navigate anger and reclaim your emotional well-being.

1. Understand the Root of Your Anger

Estrangement is painful. You might think your anger stems from your child’s distance, but more often, it comes from the loss of the relationship you dreamed of having. Maybe it’s the holidays that trigger you, unmet expectations, or the words they used in your last conversation.

Ask yourself: What am I truly angry about? Once you identify the deeper feeling—whether it’s grief, rejection, or loneliness—you can begin to address the real issue rather than just the anger itself.

2. Recognize That Anger is Normal

Anger is a human response to loss and hurt. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom, nor does it mean you don’t love your child. In fact, your anger is a sign of how much this relationship means to you.

But here’s the catch—how you respond to your anger matters. Suppressing it can harm your emotional and physical health, while letting it control you can damage your other relationships. Instead of believing, “They don’t care about me,” try reframing your thoughts: “I feel hurt and frustrated because I miss them.” Naming the true emotion behind the anger can lessen its grip on you.

3. Find Healthy Ways to Release Anger

Unprocessed anger can come out in unhealthy ways—sharp words, resentment, or withdrawal. Instead, try these positive outlets:

• Journaling – Writing down your thoughts can bring clarity and help you process emotions.
• Physical activity – Walking, stretching, or any movement can help release pent-up energy.
• Breathing exercises – A simple technique: inhale for five seconds, hold for five, and exhale for eight. This helps shift your body out of fight-or-flight mode.
• Seeking support – Whether it’s through coaching, therapy, or a supportive community, talking through your feelings in a judgment-free space can be incredibly healing.

4. Practice Empathy Without Excusing Hurtful Behavior

This one can be tough, but hear me out. Empathy doesn’t mean justifying mistreatment or minimizing your pain. It simply means trying to understand where your child’s actions might be coming from. Could they be acting out of their own unresolved pain, fear, or confusion?

Again, this isn’t about excusing poor behavior. It’s about reducing resentment and opening the door—if and when the time is right—for healing.

Finding Peace in the Midst of Estrangement

If you’re carrying the weight of anger, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Healing is possible, and it starts with small steps—understanding your emotions, expressing them in healthy ways, and shifting your perspective.

If you’re ready to prioritize your own well-being and find a way forward, I invite you to book a discovery call with me. Let’s explore how you can regain your peace and strength in this journey.

You deserve healing. You deserve peace. And most importantly, you are not alone.